Every Which Way But Dead Read Online Free PDF

drying herbs gathered by Jenks and his family took up much of the space. Ivy’s massive antique table took up the rest. Half of it was meticulously arranged as her office, with her computer—faster and more powerful than an industrial-sized package of laxative—color-coded files, maps, and the markers she used to organize her runs. The other half of the table was mine and empty. I wish I could say it was neatness, but when I had a run, I ran it. I didn’t analyze it to death.
    â€œHave a seat,” I said casually. “How about some coffee?” Coffee? I thought as I went to the coffeemaker and threw out the old grounds. What was I going to do with her? It wasn’t as if she was a stray kitten. She needed help. Professional help.
    Ceri stared at me, her face returning to its numb state. “I…” she stammered, looking frightened and small in her gorgeous outfit. I glanced at my jeans and red sweater. I still had on my snow boots, and I felt like a slob.
    â€œHere,” I said as I pulled out a chair. “I’ll make some tea.” Three steps forward, one back, I thought when she shunned the chair I offered and took the one before Ivy’s computer instead. Tea might be more appropriate, seeing as she was over a thousand years old. Did they even have coffee in the Dark Ages?
    I was staring at my cupboards, trying to remember if we had a teapot, when Jenks and about fifteen of his kids came rolling in, all talking at once. Their voices were so high-pitched and rapid they made my head hurt. “Jenks,” I pleaded, glancing at Ceri. She looked overwhelmed enough as it was. “Please?”
    â€œThey aren’t going to do anything,” he protested belligerently. “Besides, I want them to get a good sniff of her. I can’t tell what she is, she stinks of burnt amber so badly. Who is she, anyway, and what was she doing in our garden in her bare feet?”
    â€œUm,” I said, suddenly wary. Pixies had excellent noses, able to tell what species someone was just by smelling them. I had a bad suspicion that I knew what Ceri was, and I really didn’t want Jenks to figure it out.
    Ceri raised her hand as a perch, smiling beatifically at the two pixy girls who promptly landed on it, their green and pink silk dresses moving from the breeze stirred by their dragonfly wings. They were chattering happily the way pixy girls do, seemingly brainless but aware of everything down to the mouse hiding behind the fridge. Clearly Ceri had seen pixies before. That would make her an Inderlander if she was a thousand years old. The Turn, when we all came out of hiding to live openly with humans, had only been forty years ago.
    â€œHey!” Jenks exclaimed, seeing his kids monopolizing her, and they whirled up and out of the kitchen in a kaleido-scope of color and noise. Immediately he took their place, beckoning his oldest son, Jax, down to perch on the computer screen before her.
    â€œYou smell like Trent Kalamack,” he said bluntly. “What are you?”
    A wash of angst took me and I turned my back on them. Damn, I was right. She was an elf. If Jenks knew, he would blab it all over Cincinnati the moment the temperature got above freezing and he could leave the church. Trent didn’t want the world to know that elves had survived the Turn, and he would drop Agent Orange on the entire block to shut Jenks up.
    Turning, I frantically waved my fingers at Ceri, pantomiming zipping my mouth. Realizing she wouldn’t have a clue what that meant, I put my finger to my lips. The woman eyed me in question, then looked at Jenks. “Ceri,” she said seriously.
    â€œYeah, yeah,” Jenks said impatiently, hands on his hips. “I know. You Ceri. Me Jenks. But what are you? Are you a witch? Rachel’s a witch.”
    Ceri glanced at me and away. “I’m Ceri.”
    Jenks’s wings blurred to nothing, the shimmer going from blue to red.