Every Time We Say Goodbye Read Online Free PDF

have helped; it might have made things worse. He was a sick man, Johnny. I had to deal with it in my own way.’
    He looked at her in disbelief. ‘And did you deal with it?’
    She looked away. ‘It’s easy to see things differently in hindsight.’
    ‘I know, love, I know.’
    He went back to cleaning up the mess and said no more until they were sitting drinking their tea. ‘Will you tell me about it, Marianne?’
    She nodded silently. There was no harm in him knowing now.
    ‘When did it start?’
    Marianne stared into her mug. She didn’t have to think hard; she remembered every detail about that night right down to the fact that her son was wearing the green Babygro covered in bears. ‘It was when Andrew was about nine months old. He was teething and miserable and there was no consoling him. Dominic had only just got to sleep and the crying woke him. He went completely ballistic, totally over the top. Well, I was furious with him. His screaming and shouting wasn’t doing anything to calm Andrew down, the poor child was terrified. It was after midnight but I strapped Andrew into the car and went for a drive; the car usually settled him. After about an hour I took him home, put him to bed and then came downstairs to make a hot drink. I was stirring in the cocoa when Dominic appeared.’ She paused, visualizing the scene. ‘I didn’t look up; I was still annoyed. It was one thing shouting at me but at a baby . . .’
    ‘So the shouting happened a lot?’
    ‘By that stage, yes.’ Marianne sighed. ‘If I had looked into his eyes, I’d have known to keep my mouth shut but instead I tore into him; I said he should be ashamed of himself.’
    Johnny studied her intently. ‘What did he say?’
    Marianne bit her lip. ‘Not a word. He came over to me. I thought he was sorry and coming to hug me, to apologize, but he wasn’t. He took the spoon from the mug of cocoa and pressed the bowl of it into my arm.’ Her fingers went instinctively to the spot on the soft inner skin of her upper arm.
    ‘The fucker,’ Johnny exclaimed.
    ‘I tried to wriggle free but he held my wrists firm between his other hand and used his body to pin me against the worktop. I couldn’t escape. I didn’t even scream. I think I was in shock.’
    ‘So, what happened then?’
    ‘He let me go, put down the spoon and went back to bed. He never mentioned it again. I actually wondered if he had been sleepwalking.’
    ‘And your arm?’
    ‘Oh, I put some ice on it; it was fine,’ Marianne assured him, then wondered why she was still lying. Why didn’t she tell him how it had blistered, kept her awake all night and that it had taken over a week to heal? You could still see a tiny red crescent mark if you knew where to look. She sat back in the chair and hugged her arms tightly around her.
    ‘When was the next time?’
    ‘Months later. The children were in bed and I was watching TV when he arrived home. I could tell as soon as he walked into the room that he wasn’t quite right.’ Marianne frowned as she remembered how disorientated he’d seemed. ‘You know what Dominic was like, Johnny; he could have a few drinks and not show it at all.’
    ‘He could hold his drink,’ Johnny acknowledged.
    ‘He could and sometimes he would drive if he’d a pint or two. But on this particular night I figured he must have had several; his speech was slurred and he was unsteady on his feet. I was disgusted that he’d got behind the wheel in that state and said so. He lost his temper and I knew it was pointless trying to talk to him when he was like that so I said I was going to bed. When I went to walk out of the room, he put out his foot and tripped me.’ Marianne stopped, and swallowed hard. The memory still upset her. ‘I fell and whacked my head against the corner of the coffee table.’
    ‘Jesus!’ Johnny clenched his fist and thumped the table as if it were Dominic’s face.
    ‘I was okay,’ Marianne reassured him. ‘I just felt a little