Every Last Word Read Online Free PDF

supposed to take my mind off the words I’m saying and give me something to do with my hands so
I don’t spend the entire fifty-minute session scratching the back of my neck in threes.
    “So,” she begins, opening the brown leather folio across her lap like she always does. “Where do you want to start today?”
    Not with the Eights. Not with the spa.
    “I don’t know.” I wish I could tell her about my secret meeting with Caroline tomorrow, because that’s pretty much all I’ve thought about over the last two days,
but I can’t break my promise. Then I think about the rest of the conversation, the two of us bonding over medication and therapy sessions.
    “Actually, I sort of…made a new friend this week.” The words sound so dorky coming out of my mouth, but apparently Shrink-Sue doesn’t hear them that way, because her
eyes light up like this is the best news she’s heard in ages.
    “Really? What’s she like?” she asks, and I feel myself mimicking her smile. I can’t help it. I think about the way Caroline put her hands on my face like an old friend.
That look in her eyes when she said she wanted to help me. The whole thing caught me completely off guard.
    “Well, she’s
not
like any of the Crazy Eights,” I say, picturing her long stringy hair and lack of makeup and those chunky hiking boots. “She’s kind of
awkward, but she’s nice. I barely know her, but I already think she sort of…
gets
me.”
    Sue opens her mouth, but I hold my finger up in the air between us before she can speak. “Please. Don’t say it.”
    Her mouth snaps shut.
    “This doesn’t mean I’m leaving the Eights. You always make it sound easy, Sue, but I can’t just ‘find new friends.’” I put air quotes on the last words.
“They
are
my friends. These are the people that every girl in my class
aspires
to be friends with. Besides, it would kill them if I left. Especially Hailey.”
    Sue shifts in her chair and crosses one leg over the other, taking an authoritative pose. “You have to make decisions that are best for
you
, Sam. Not for Hailey or anyone
else,” she says in her straightforward way.
    “Sarah made a decision that was best for her, and look what happened.”
    I’m not about to be on the receiving end of what we all did to Sarah. Shooting her dirty looks as we passed her in the halls, talking about her from the other side of the cafeteria,
leaving her out of our plans for the weekend. I’m not proud of myself, but when she dumped us for her drama club friends, we made it feel like an act of disloyalty on her part.
    “She’s probably quite happy,” Sue says.
    “I’m sure she is. But being part of the Eights makes
me
happy.”
    Their friendship might require weekly therapy, but I have fun with them. And I’d be
truly
crazy to say good-bye to parties every weekend, cute guys crowded around us at lunch, and
VIP tickets to every major concert that comes to town.
    “Either way, this is a really positive step, Sam. I’m glad to see you making new friends.”
    “Friend. Singular. One person.” I hold up a finger. “And no one can
ever
know about Caroline.”
    “Why not?”
    Before I even realize what’s happening, my chin begins to tremble. I take a deep breath to steady myself and stare at the carpet.
    “Why can’t they know about her, Sam?” Sue repeats softly.
    “Because.” The word comes out all wobbly. “If they kick me out—” I can’t finish my thought. I squeeze the back of my neck three times, as hard as I can, but
it doesn’t help. “I don’t have anyplace else to go.”
    The tears start to well up, but I fight them off, biting the inside of my lower lip, forcing my gaze toward the ceiling. Sue must be able to tell how uncomfortable I am, because she jumps in and
says, “Hey, let’s change the subject.”
    “Please,” I whisper.
    “Did you have a chance to print out those pictures?”
    “Yeah.” I blow out a breath and reach into my bag.
    Dad took a bunch