Enchanted Forests Read Online Free PDF

were
    missing him. Well, time to be true to his. He inspected the trunk
    of the beech for the right spot to cut, and another branch landed
    beside him.

    The linden was right. The beech tree was a bitch.
    Conrad spat on his hands and readied his ax, but before he

    30                  Kevin Andrew Murphy

    could swing, the beech's nymph stepped out of the trunk. She
    was tall and grand, looking like some ancient queen, with a
    crown in her hair and a mantle of squirrel skins. "Woodcutter,"
    she intoned, "spare my tree and I will reward you with three
    wishes!"

    Conrad smiled. Dame Margot had also been right. The wood
    nymphs were just giving them away.

    "Sorry," he said. "I think I'll just cut down the tree."

    "What is—" she began, then did a double take. "What? Doth
    mine ears deceive me? Didst thou just refuse my three wishes?"

    Conrad nodded. "That's right. Lot of good board feet of lum-
    ber in this baby." He patted the trunk and the wood nymph
    looked shocked and grabbed her bottom. "Anyway, a dwarf told
    me if I cut down this tree, I'll find a golden goose inside."

    "What? The dwarf lies! I have not a goose inside my trunk."

    "Well, honey, you sure act like you've got something stuck up
    your ass. Let's see what it is. huh?"

    "But—Three wishes! I'll give you three wishes!"

    Conrad shrugged his massive shoulders. "Eh, I've already had
    three wishes. I think I'll go for a goose instead." He swung the
    ax, and the wood nymph grabbed her ass and screamed.

    Conrad swung again and again, pleased at how fast the wood-
    cutting was going with his new muscles. At last the screaming
    wood nymph disappeared, and the trunk gave way. "Timber!"
    Conrad called and the beech tree listed over, crashing slowly to
    the ground and flattening a certain small linden tree.

    Conrad polished his ax. Just like Dame Margot had said. All
    the witnesses taken care of, and three wishes in the bargain.

    Becka the Beech tree had been right, too. There hadn't been a
    golden goose stuck up her ass. However, there was an old tinder-
    box lying on the edge of the stump, just the way the witch had
    said, and when he looked down the hollow into the cave below,
    Conrad saw the three dogs Dame Margot had also mentioned, the
    ones with the eyes the size of teacups, millstones and the Round
    Tower at Copenhagen, wherever that was.

    Conrad took the tinderbox and looked down at the three dogs.
    "Hey there! Dogs! Remember, I've got the box now, so don't go
    telling anyone what happened!"

    The dogs blinked, panted, and wagged their tails, and Conrad
    tried to find room for the tinderbox under his arm, which was
    rather hard, as there was a good deal of muscle in the way that
    hadn't been there before.

    Oh well, he could certainly get used to that. He set off back to

    "I'LL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES.          31

    Dame Margot's and wondered what, aside from walking bowleg-
    ged, he could do to keep his thighs from rubbing together.

    Hector the mockingbird and Prissy the squirrel hastily con-
    ferred in the upper branches of one of the oaks. "Trees no
    listen!" Prissy squeaked. "Just squirrel! Just bird! Trees no lis-
    ten! Stupid trees! Stupid-stupid-stupid!"

    Hector nodded in agreement. "Woodcutter trouble! Witch trou-
    ble! Double-trouble! Double-trouble!"

    "Who listen. Hector?" asked Prissy. "Who care? Just bird!
    Just squirrel!"

    Hector thought a moment. "King Stag?"

    Prissy twitched her tail. "Why care?"

    She had a point. "Fairy Boar?"

    "Boar old!" said Prissy. "Boar crazy! Boar eat bad truffles!"

    Hector cocked his head. "Goblins?"

    Prissy twitched her tail, refusing even to comment.

    Hector thought a bit more. "Know the thing!" he cried. "Find
    Dwarf King!"

    Prissy paused and cocked her head. "Why Dwarf King help?"

    "Profit! Profit! Money-money-money! Dwarf King, triple-
    trouble, money-money-money!"

    "Dwarf King. Triple-trouble." Prissy twitched her tail. "Hector
    smart."

    Hector did a back flip.