Earth and Ashes Read Online Free PDF Page B

could you mourn? Everyone mourned their own dead. Your brother sat next to a pile of rubble, listening hopefully for a familiar voice to rise from beneath collapsed roofs and walls. Your maternal cousin, weeping, picked through the rubble for a piece of clothing or a scarf to use as a burial shroud. Your brother-in-law, lying next to a dead cow in the demolished barn, laughed as he suckled milk from its stiffened udder …
    But you had Yassin. He couldn’t hear your sobs, but he could see your grief. With whom did
you
sit? Whom did
you
comfort? You wanted to run from everybody. You were like an owl perched high on a ruin, or in an abandoned cemetery. If it weren’t for Murad, if itweren’t for Yassin, you would never have left that place. Thank God for Murad, for Yassin. You’d have stayed amid ruins till you turned to dust …
    Dastaguir, where have you wandered off to this time? Shahmard wants you to explain why you didn’t bring Yassin and you have drifted off into daydreams. Say something to him. Tell him about your people. Make an effort. They deserve some prayers. Who so far, apart from Mirza Qadir, has offered you their condolences? Who has prayed for the deliverance of their souls? Allow others to say the Fatiha prayer for your dead and to share your suffering. Say something!
    And you speak. Speak of the ruins of your village, of your wife, your son, your two daughters-in-law, Yassin … And weep.
    Shahmard is mute. His eyes dart, restlessly seeking appropriate words. He finds them. He whispers the Fatiha. He offers you his condolences and falls into silence again.
    You continue. You speak of Murad. Of how to tell him about the death of his mother, his wife, and his brother. Still Shahmard remains silent. What should hesay? All of his rage at hearing your story has gone to his legs. His feet are heavy. You can tell from the speed of the truck.
    You also fall silent.
    The bouncing of the truck and the drone of the engine make you feel sick. You want to close your eyes for a while.
    A military jeep appears behind the truck. It overtakes you, throwing up dark dust.
    Within a black billow of dust, you see Murad’s wife running naked in front of the truck. Her damp hair streams behind her, parting the dust—as if she were sweeping away the dust with her hair. Her white breasts dance on her chest. Drops of water fall from her skin like dewdrops.
    “Zaynab! Get out of the way of the truck!” you shout to her.
    Your voice is confined to the truck. It doesn’t reach outside. It reverberates endlessly around the cab. You want to roll down the window and free your voice so it can reach Zaynab. But you don’t have the strength. You feel heavy. Your bundle weighs on your knees. You want to lift it up and put it beside you. But you don’thave the strength. You untie it. Inside the apples have become black, they’ve turned to coal … Coal-apples. You laugh to yourself. A bitter laugh. You want to ask Shahmard about the mystery of the coal-apples. In place of Shahmard, Murad sits at the wheel. You can’t prevent yourself from crying out. You don’t know if it’s from fear, surprise, or joy.
    Murad doesn’t look at you. He stares at the road, at Zaynab. You shout his name again. Still Murad doesn’t hear. It’s as if he too has gone deaf.
    Zaynab continues to run in front of the truck. The dust gradually settles on her white, damp skin. A veil of black dust covers her body. She is no longer naked …
    The jolts of the truck blur your view of Zaynab. She and the road disappear in a cloud of dark dust.
    You take a deep breath and glance furtively toward the driver’s seat. Murad isn’t there. Thank God. You’ve woken up. You look around silently. Your bundle is at your side. An apple has rolled out onto the seat.
    Nervously you look in front of the truck again. Zaynab is not there. Zaynab threw her naked body headlong intothe fire. She was burned alive. She was burned naked. She left this world naked. She burned to