Francisco to live with me.
Neither of us could afford a homeâso. Wellâyes. So.
I remained in Westchester for the entirety of his rehabilitation: I stayed at a Howard Johnson Inn a half mile from the grounds. Each afternoon, when Finn had completed his vague work in the city, heâd take the 5:27 Metro-North to Tarrytown. Weâd eat burgers, or chicken fingers, orâonceâfish sticks at one of those nameless restaurants that populate the strip malls along the lower Hudson.
As we folded ketchup-stained wax wrappers in our fists, heâd say, âIf I hadnât missed my train, I wouldâve gotten there sooner.â
Iâd tell him, âOh, Finn. These things just happen.â
And heâd answer with, âBut still.â
Then, if it wasnât snowingâor even if it wasâweâd walk to see him.
The recovery center itself was brief and unimpressive: a two-story wing tagged onto the hospitalâs administrative hub. An afterthought, if anything, whose thin grey corridors played stage to the choreographed movements of halted walkers and slippered, shuffling feet. It faced directly west, so the individual rooms were flooded with too much light in the afternoonsâor, in the mornings, none at all.
His rehabilitation therapist was a blond woman named Christie, who had a soft, Judy Garland disposition couched within a runnerâs sinewy build. She was tireless in her efforts; sheâd point to his left hand and say, Now, move these three fingers, good, good, while I wanted to scream, Oh, come on, just lift the damned things. She instructed him in these movementsâshifting in bed, sitting up, swinging his legs to one sideâand, when he couldnât accomplish a task on his own, sheâd place a hand on the small of his back, guide him through it.
She taught Finn and me how to handle him and bear his weight.
âThis is called a guard belt,â she said one day, unraveling a strap of milky-grey canvas three inches wide. âFasten it above his belt line. The top of the belt should hit the bottom of his rib cage.â
âWhatâs the purpose?â
âItâll give you something to hang on to.â
âAnd heâll need to wear itââ
âAlways.â
He was perched on the bed, facing us, and we talked about him as if he werenât there.
âWhen you lift him, rope your arms under his and take hold of the beltâs back strap,â Christie said. âGive him a count, then pull him up and into you.â
We watched as she performed. As she raised himâhim, weighing nothing at allâfrom the bed and into her arms.
âHave him rest against you as you both catch your breath.â
His head lodged and snuggled between her breasts as she spoke. The corners of his mouth twitched up in a smile.
I told her, âChristie, maybe show us how you did that again.â
Finn bit and tore at his nails. He said, âIâm just afraid Iâm going to break him.â
â¢Â  â¢Â  â¢
âWhere are you going?â he asks when the match has ended; the Wrecking Belles have taken it by twelve.
âJust upstairs, Dad. To work.â
âWhat if the television stops working again?â
I look toward the screen. Purple-haired girls are sweaty, high-fiving, hitting helmets as the production credits roll.
âItâs not broken,â I say.
âAnd youâll just be upstairs?â
âJust upstairs.â
Hereâs another change: when he first came hereâwhen he was still able to complete a crossword puzzle, when he was still indignant and irritated by Californiaâhe wasnât like this. The idea that his survival hinged on my aid infuriated him. He wouldnât call for me when he should have: more than once, I found him sprawled in a pile of limbs on the floor, his hand gripped desperately around some table leg or chair or lamp as he tried to