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The place was more than a part of me. It was who I was, what I loved, and what I was born to do. I couldn’t stay in Rowan County if the farm and my family were not a part of my life. I couldn’t be Adam Chase, the banker, or Adam Chase, the pharmacist. Not in this place. Not ever.
    So I left the only people I’d ever loved, the only place I’d called home. I sought to lose myself in a city that was tall and gray and ceaseless. I planted myself there, and breathed in the noise and the flow and the pale white fuzz of endless, empty days. For five years, I succeeded. For five years I pounded down the memories and the loss.
    Then Danny called, and blew everything apart.
     
     
       It was on the fourth shelf, thick and spine-out. Pale. White. I pulled it from the shelf, a heavy sheaf, bound in plastic.
    State v. Adam Chase.
    Trial transcript. Every word said. Recorded. Forever.
    It was heavily used, smudged, and folded at the corners. How many times had Robin read it? She’d stood by me during the trial, sworn that she believed me. And her faith had almost cost her the only job she’d ever cared about. Every cop in the county thought I’d done it. Every cop but her. She’d been unflinching, and in the end, I’d left her.
    She could have come with me.
    That was truth, but what did it matter? Her world. My world. It could not have worked. And here we were, all but strangers.
    I let the transcript fall open in my hands; it did so easily, spread itself to the testimony that almost damned me.
     
WITNESS: A witness called by the The State,
having been first duly sworn to tell the truth,
was examined and testified as follows:

Direct Examination of Janice Chase by the
District Attorney for the County of Rowan

Q: Will you please state your name for the Court?

A: Janice Chase.

Q: How are you related to the defendant, Mrs. Chase?

A: He is my stepson. His father is my husband. Jacob Chase.

Q: You have other children with Mr. Chase?

A: Twins. Miriam and James. We call him Jamie. They’re eighteen.

Q: They are the defendant’s half siblings?

A: Adopted siblings. Jacob is not the natural father. He adopted them shortly after we were married.

Q: And where is their natural father?

A: Is that important?

Q: Just trying to establish the nature of these relationships, Mrs. Chase. So the jury will understand who everybody is.

A: He’s gone.

Q: Gone where?

A: Just gone.

Q: Very well. How long have you been married to Mr. Chase?

A: Thirteen years.

Q: So, you’ve known the defendant for a long time.

A: Thirteen years.

Q: How old was the defendant when you and his father were married?

A: He was ten.

Q: And your other children?

A: They were five.

Q: Both of them?

A: They are twins.

Q: Oh. Right. Now, I know this must be difficult for you, testifying against your own stepson…

A: It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Q: You were close?

A: No. We’ve never been close.

Q: Um.… Is that because he resented you? Because you’d taken his mother’s place?

Defense Counsel: Objection. Calls for speculation.

Q: Withdrawn.

A: She killed herself.

Q: I beg your pardon.

A: His mother killed herself.

Q: Um…

A: I’m no homewrecker.

Q: Okay…

A: I just want to be clear on that up front, before his lawyer tries to make this out like something it’s not. We were never close, that’s true, but we’re still family. I’m not making this up and I’m not out to get Adam. I have no agenda. I love his father more than anything. And I’ve tried with Adam. We just never got close. It’s that simple.

Q: Thank you, Mrs. Chase. I know that this is difficult for you. Tell us about the night that Gray Wilson was killed.

A: I saw what I saw.

Q: We’ll get to that. Tell us about the party.
     
    I closed the transcript and replaced it on the shelf. I knew the words. The party had been at midsummer: my stepmother’s idea. A birthday party for the twins, their eighteenth. She’d hung lights in the trees, engaged