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beaches of Miami. When mom found me, she'd practically yanked me all the way along the street to her car, yelling that I needed to think about my future.
    I didn't understand why she was always so hung up on that stuff. I was fourteen then, and didn't even want to know about
my future
. Adulthood yawned far in the distance, so far I could barely catch a scent of its dry, colorless lands. Mom and I fought a lot last year. But if adulthood and being responsible means my mom's life, she can keep it.
    Study your eyeballs out, get a high-stress job, get married, spit out a kid, get divorced, stress about everything, live out your life on antidepressants and too much coffee.
    I’d hated it when she moved us
here
. The first sights from the car window had made me shrink into myself. Clawing vines hung like nooses in every inch of forests. The forests seemed choked with death, as though the vines would soon pull the trees—and the people—deep underground. But that was before I'd knew Ethan. With him around, I somehow fit here.
     “I don’t know,” I said carefully. “We’re kind of here now. And we haven’t done any of the stuff you and Lance promised we would. Like seeing the Great Barrier Reef and swimming Monkey Mia with the dolphins….”
    “You’re still thinking about becoming a marine biologist, aren’t you?” she said.
    I nodded slightly, surprised she’d remembered. For once she didn't mention my grades. It would be the shock of the century if I pulled them up enough to even get into college.
    She smiled in return, a kind of bitter-sweet smile.
    Staring down at my hands, I took a shallow breath. “I’d also feel bad leaving here now when they haven’t found….”
    “Aisha,” my mother finished.
    “Yeah.”
    “You know, you haven’t spoken to me about Aisha at all. Or about the Barrington Tops trip.”
    “I talked myself inside out in interviews with the police and the rescue squads. I couldn’t talk about it anymore after that.”
    “I know all that would have been harsh on you.” She sat beside me on the bed. “If you ever want to talk, I mean without being grilled, I’m here.”
    “After what I just said to you... about Lance and stuff?”
    “I understand you being angry about all that. I’m angry with myself.”
    I stared at the solar star stickers on my ceiling. Back in February, Aisha, Lacey and I had jumped all over my bed trying to get the stickers up there—laughing like idiots. The stars seemed like a good idea then, but now they just seemed childish.
    I closed my eyes, not wanting to tell my mother about the thoughts that spun through my mind—images of Aisha growing more and more upset about me practically flirting with Ethan on the trek. I hadn’t thought about Aisha’s side of things that much since that day. I’d been more about trying to protect Ethan. I tried to imagine a scene where Ethan was my boyfriend and Aisha had been getting too close to him. But the thought of Ethan being mine was immediately so powerful and warm I couldn’t bear thinking about it.
    I opened my eyes to my mother’s concerned face.
    “Cass, are you okay?”
    “Yeah. I think I don’t want to talk about this anymore today.”
    “I understand. But any time you do, just... talk, all right? Don’t keep things canned in.”
    I drew the blanket around me as she left the room, the blanket that still smelled vaguely of Ethan. I fell asleep with him all around me, hating myself for not being able to get him out of my head.
    The sharp ring of my bedside phone woke me.
    Lacey's voice sounded urgent.
    "Okay," I told her, checking my watch, "I can come down for ten minutes before dinner."
    I slipped my hoodie on, and told mom I needed to go to Lacey's, making up something about picking up a homework assignment.

     

6. LACEY
     
    Setting my school bag down on the cool white tiles, I said a quick hello to Lacey’s mother. She was always dressed in expensive, coordinated clothing. Nothing like the