Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder Read Online Free PDF

butt on the cold cellar floor.
    â€œOh,” Nilly said. “Lisa, are you okay?”

    â€œYeah,” she said, a little dazed as the professor helped her back onto her feet. “Well, I’d call that some pep!”
    Nilly laughed out loud. “Well done, Doctor!”
    â€œThank you, thank you,” the professor said. “I think I’ll conduct a little test myself …”
    The professor took half a teaspoon and counted down. At zero there was another bang, but this time Lisa was careful to stand by the door.
    â€œWow,” the professor said, picking up the plant, which didn’t have petals on it anymore. “I think we’ll do the next test outside.”
    They poured the powder into a cookie tin and brought it outside.
    â€œGive me the teaspoon,” Nilly said.
    â€œCareful with the dose … ,” Doctor Proctor started to say, but Nilly had already gobbled up a full teaspoon.
    â€œI feel a tingling in my stomach,” said Nilly, whowas so excited that he was whining and jumping up and down.
    â€œSeven—six—five,” the professor counted.
    When the bang came, all the songbirds in the professor’s pear tree took off and flew away in alarm. And this time it wasn’t Lisa but Nilly who got knocked over and disappeared in the tall grass.
    â€œWhere are you?” Doctor Proctor yelled, searching in the grass. “How did it go?”
    They heard a gurgling noise and then Nilly popped up, totally red in the face from laughing.
    â€œMore!” he yelled. “More!”
    â€œLook, Professor!” Lisa pointed. “It ripped the seat of Nilly’s pants!”
    And indeed it had. Nilly’s pants were practically torn apart. The professor looked at the results with concern and decided that they should stop the testing for today. He asked them to search for his lawn furniture, which was in the grass somewhere,and then went inside. When he came back out, he brought bread, butter, liverwurst, and juice. Lisa had found the lawn furniture, and while they sat in the crooked white-painted chairs and ate, they contemplated what the invention could be used for. The professor had the idea of trying to sell the powder to farmers. “They could eat a half teaspoon of fart powder,” he explained, “and hold the sack of seed grain in front of the … uh, launch site. Then the air pressure would spread the seeds over the whole field. It’ll save a ton of time. What do you guys think?”
    â€œExcellent!” Nilly said.
    â€œTo be completely honest,” Lisa said, “I don’t think people are really going to want to eat food that comes from seeds that have been farted on.”
    â€œHmm,” the professor said, scratching his mop of white hair. “You’re probably right about that.”
    â€œWhat about making the world’s fastest bicycle pump?” Nilly yelled. “All you have to do is take ahose, fasten one end to your butt and the other to the valve on the bike tire, and then … kaboom! The tire is filled in a fraction of a second!”
    â€œInteresting,” said the professor, stroking his goatee. “But I’m afraid it’s the kaboom that’s the problem. The tire’s going to explode too.”
    â€œWhat if we use the fart powder to dry hair?” Lisa suggested.
    Nilly and the professor looked at Lisa while she explained that the whole family could draw straws, everyone from the littlest to Grandma, to see who would eat the fart powder after everyone had showered in the morning. And then everyone else could just stand behind that person.
    â€œGood idea,” said the professor. “But who’s going to dry the farter’s hair?”
    â€œAnd what if the blast knocks Grandma over and she breaks her hip?” Nilly said.
    They kept tossing out one suggestion afteranother, but all of the suggestions had some kind of annoying drawback or other. In the