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thoughts, like subtitles on televised operas
    — Sheesh, cheerleaders ! I almost laugh. But then he smiles. "Hey, great to meet you." He turns back to me. "So? You got in, right?"
    I force a smile. "Um, yeah. I mean, sort of. Not really. I mean, yeah, I got in, but I didn't. I mean, I'm not going."
    Sean yells, "Not going?" at the same time Peyton and Ashley start in with, "Got in where? Not going where?"
    "Nothing. It's not important. I mean, I tried out for Miami High School of the Arts, just to see if I'd get in, and I decided I'd rather stay at Key with all my friends than transfer junior year." I can't look at Sean. "So you live around here?"
    "No, I work at a church near here. Don't change the subject. What do you mean, you're not going?" To
    Peyton and Ashley, he says, "Your friend's a fabulous singer—she's going to be the next Renee Fleming."
    Like they know who she is. "Thanks. I don't… I just didn't think it was for me."
    "Of course, it isn't," Ashley says. "That's where all the goths go."
    "And the freaks," Peyton adds. "I see them on the train when we go downtown for Heat games. They don't get out of school until, like, four-thirty, and they're all there, singing and dancing on the Metrorail
    platform." She wrinkles her nose. "So weird."
    I still can't look at Sean, so I sit there, picturing a girl I once saw, doing what Peyton's talking about; a girl in a black leotard with long, black hair, stretching and dancing between the columns, and none of her
    friends acted like that was weird at all. I watched her, even as the train pulled away, thinking she looked
    like a bat, dark and beautiful against the brilliant Miami skyline. I wanted to be her.
    "I'm sorry you won't be there," I hear Sean say.
    "Yeah," Ashley says. "It's a shame. Well, it was nice meeting you. Gotta go."
    I follow them, because that's what I've become: a follower.
    They're barely outside before they start trashing him.
    "Your friend's going to be the next Brunhilde Fatso," Ashley mimicks.
    '"She's fabulous!'" Peyton giggles. "He talks like you, Cait, all opera-y."
    My friends don't get the opera thing. To them, it's all fat ladies with horns, and I don't even try to explain
    it. When I was a lonely fatgirl, I always had opera. Now I have other things, so I should give it up. But I
    don't want to. I want to run to that school; maybe it's running for my life.
    "What was up with his shirt?" Peyton says. "It had a hole in it."
    "You should've given him your chips," Ashley says. "He was so scrawny."
    "Like you'd want to go to that freaky school. Why'd you even try out?"
    We reach Ashley's car. I put my hand on it, steadying myself, feeling the warmth against my hand. I look
    through the window and see Sean looking at me. "I just wanted to see if I'd get in, okay? But I'm not going.
    My mom would never let me."
    I hold my breath. They hate my mom, even though they're a lot like her. But Ashley says, "Yeah, well,
    even your mom can be right once in a while."

    Opera_Grrrl's Online Journal
    Subject: Rowena
    Date: April 25
    Time: 8:37 a.m.
    Listening to: Tape for my voice lesson (which is in an hour)
    Feeling: Hyper
    Weight: 116 lbs.

    THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY VOICE TEACHER ROWENA'S CONDO
    1. She has a mirror over the piano, so I can see my face when I sing, but not my body
    2. Her cocker spaniel, Sailor, sings along when I hit high notes
    3. Her cat, Fred, sits on the piano and tries 2 grab the sheet music pages
    4. Sometimes Rowena's next-door neighbor bangs on the wall 4 quiet. R always bangs back and shouts,
    "Someday, you'll PAY to hear her sing!"
    5. She used to be a real opera singer and has pictures of herself playing Suzuki in Madame Butterfly at the NYC Opera!!!
    6. Rowena thinks I'm special and talented.

    So why am I lying to Rowena??? It's been 2 weeks since I got the letter from MHSA…every week, she
    asks me if I got it & Every week I say no. It's just…she'll be so disappointed that I can't go.

    My voice lessons almost over, and she