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shimmering green lighting up his face. Moments later, he dropped a foil packet and a small bottle onto the bed, and I hastened to fit the rubber. I was close already. It wouldn’t take long before I came, and this thought made me pause. It was no longer just about me. TJ had gifted me a perfect day, and I wanted to give him something back.
    Instead of flipping him onto his front, I nudged at his legs, encouraging him to let me reach his asshole. Excitement flickered in his eyes, and he tucked up his knees, watching eagerly as I poured lube into my palm and slicked my fingers.
    Slowly, with the utmost care, I stroked his tight pucker, making him moan before I slipped a finger inside. A second followed, and then a third, to pump in and out. Watching his obvious pleasure, and listening to the little sounds he made, somehow heightened everything for me. I’d never forget him. He was already way more than a casual fuck, and now, my chest ached at the thought of losing this intimacy.
    “Now, Henare.” He sounded breathless. I knew how he felt.
    Removing my fingers, I guided my cock inside him slowly, prolonging the sensation, feeling every inch of my erection being squeezed. So tight, so intense. From this position I could kiss him, stroke his own hardness, and then gaze into his eyes as I fucked him. Every slap of flesh, every moan, made me harder, but this time I didn’t rush. I was already saying good-bye to him.
    His hair fell limp onto his perspiration-slicked forehead and framed his beautiful eyes. I wanted to remember every moment of this. Every thrust. Every heartbeat.
    “Oh, God . Henare, I’m going to come.” I fisted his cock and watched it erupt, and felt my own orgasm draw closer. It would be unstoppable. A tsunami that threatened to destroy me with its intensity. I hovered on a knife-edge, unable to hold back, and gave in to a climax unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
    This had been perfection. Nothing could come close.
    ****
    TJ lay with his head on my shoulder, his fingers drawing loose circles on my chest. “I’m going to a party tonight, do you want to come with me?” I tensed immediately, and he sighed, warm breath drifting over my skin. “It doesn’t have to be as my partner, just a friend. It’s at the boating club, the guy who runs the Kapiti Island tours.” He peeped up at me, his eyes hopeful. “D’you think you might? And then maybe,” he smiled but it looked nervous. “Maybe, you could stay the night. If you want to.”
    The stark difference between us was highlighted yet again. My night, as every night, would be spent in the ocean, guarding this stretch of coastline. There would be no parties, no easy gatherings with his friends. No long nights curled up together, warm and sheltered from the elements.
    “No. I can’t.” My voice was gruff, and his gaze fell.
    “Yeah, okay.” His finger continued its soothing motion. “Was that no to the party or spending the night? Or both?”
    “Both.” His hand stilled. I needed to tell him something, but what? “I have to be somewhere else.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was the closest I would ever come to the truth. He waited, as though expecting me to say more. The silence stretched between us, growing cooler and more uncomfortable by the second.
    He spoke first. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. It’s short notice, I get that.”
    “I’m sorry,” I said. That wasn’t a lie either.
    I held him close, spooned around him. From here I could kiss his neck and pretend I didn’t have to leave, that he wouldn’t be leaving either. I couldn’t do this again. He’d made me feel, made me want . Dangerous emotions. Ones I could not afford.
    When I left here tonight, it would be good-bye forever.
    ****

Chapter 7
    When the sun rose, I stayed in the water for longer, watching from a safe distance to see if TJ came to my cottage. He did, and waited for an age, just sitting there on the sand, looking out to the ocean.
    Emotions