Disgrace

Disgrace Read Online Free PDF

Book: Disgrace Read Online Free PDF
Author: J. M. Coetzee
idea?’
    Whether it would be a good idea she does not say. Instead she presses herself tighter to him, her face warm against his belly. The sheet slips aside; she is wearing only a singlet and panties.
    Does she know what she is up to, at this moment?
    When he made the first move, in the college gardens, he had thought of it as a quick little affair – quickly in, quickly out. Now here she is in his house, trailing complications behind her. What game is she playing? He should be wary, no doubt about that. But he should have been wary from the start.
    He stretches out on the bed beside her. The last thing in the world he needs is for Melanie Isaacs to take up residence with him. Yet at this moment the thought is intoxicating. Every night she will be here; every night he can slip into her bed like this, slip into her. People will find out, they always do; there will be whispering, there might even be scandal. But what will that matter? A last leap of the flame of sense before it goes out. He folds the bedclothes aside, reaches down, strokes her breasts, her buttocks. ‘Of course you can stay,’ he murmurs. ‘Of course.’
    In his bedroom, two doors away, the alarm clock goes off. She turns away from him, pulls the covers up over her shoulders.
    â€˜I’m going to leave now,’ he says. ‘I have classes to meet. Try to sleep again. I’ll be back at noon, then we can talk.’ He strokes her hair, kisses her forehead. Mistress? Daughter? What, in her heart, is she trying to be? What is she offering him?
    When he returns at noon, she is up, sitting at the kitchen table, eating toast and honey and drinking tea. She seems thoroughly at home.
    â€˜So,’ he says, ‘you are looking much better.’
    â€˜I slept after you left.’
    â€˜Will you tell me now what this is all about?’
    She avoids his eye. ‘Not now,’ she says. ‘I have to go, I’m late. I’ll explain next time.’
    â€˜And when will next time be?’
    â€˜This evening, after rehearsal. Is that OK?’
    â€˜Yes.’
    She gets up, carries her cup and plate to the sink (but does not wash them), turns to face him. ‘Are you sure it’s OK?’ she says.
    â€˜Yes, it’s OK.’
    â€˜I wanted to say, I know I’ve missed a lot of classes, but the production is taking up all my time.’
    â€˜I understand. You are telling me your drama work has priority. It would have helped if you had explained earlier. Will you be in class tomorrow?’
    â€˜Yes. I promise.’
    She promises, but with a promise that is not enforceable. He is vexed, irritated. She is behaving badly, getting away with too much; she is learning to exploit him and will probably exploit him further. But if she has got away with much, he has got away with more; if she is behaving badly, he has behaved worse. To the extent that they are together, if they are together, he is the one who leads, she the one who follows. Let him not forget that.

FOUR
    H E MAKES LOVE to her one more time, on the bed in his daughter’s room. It is good, as good as the first time; he is beginning to learn the way her body moves. She is quick, and greedy for experience. If he does not sense in her a fully sexual appetite, that is only because she is still young. One moment stands out in recollection, when she hooks a leg behind his buttocks to draw him in closer: as the tendon of her inner thigh tightens against him, he feels a surge of joy and desire. Who knows, he thinks: there might, despite all, be a future.
    â€˜Do you do this kind of thing often?’ she asks afterwards.
    â€˜Do what?’
    â€˜Sleep with your students. Have you slept with Amanda?’
    He does not answer. Amanda is another student in the class, a wispy blonde. He has no interest in Amanda.
    â€˜Why did you get divorced?’ she asks.
    â€˜I’ve been divorced twice. Married twice, divorced twice.’
    â€˜What
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