Diary of a Resurrection (A Novella) Read Online Free PDF Page B

leaned your forearms
on it. “She tries to ask me stuff, but I don’t answer. I don’t answer to nobody.”
    I nodded, but said nothing.
    “The thing is, a while ago Pan cheated on me,” you said with
a sigh. “When I found out she went to pieces, begging me to stay with her. She
said she never wanted anyone but me. That she loved me and had nowhere else to
go. Like I said before, life with her is easy. She’s hot and I was used to
having her around, so I took her back. She knows she loves me more than I care
about her, and she’s alright with that. She has to live with the consequences
of what she did. So when I don’t let her question me, she can’t say much about
it. If she does, I remind her what she did and what she ruined. It shuts her up
quite fast. I suppose I am grateful in a way, Pan taught me that you can never
give one hundred percent of yourself to someone. It gives them too much power
and control, and then they use that power to hurt you. Pan can’t expect me to
give her very much at all, because how could I ever trust her again?”
    I swallowed, starting to understand your reluctance to
commit to her, or maybe me. “So why stay with her? If she hurt you so badly?”
    You looked me in the eye and, unflinching, said, “I can’t
imagine finding anything better than Pan, so I might as well stick with what
I’ve got.”
    Dumbstruck, I said nothing. You knew I loved you and you had
just looked straight into my soul and told me you couldn’t imagine finding
someone better than Pan. I couldn’t believe it. Part of me wanted to shout,
what about me? I’m better. I love you. I would never hurt you. But I didn’t.
Instead I stood there and let you crush my heart with your cruel words.
    “You need to learn that, Mina, to keep yourself safe.”
    “What?” My voice was practically a whisper.
    “You need to see that letting someone in is just pointless
because they will fuck you over in the end. Everyone does. You can’t trust
anyone or give them any sort of power. You’re better off holding pieces of you
back. It’s safer.”
    I shook my head. “You’re wrong. If you love someone, you have
to be open to them. Completely open. It lets your souls twist together and you
become a part of the other. How can you do that, if you won’t give someone
everything? You’ll never be truly committed to them. You’ll never belong.”
    You shrugged. “Whatever. I used to think a bit like you, but
now I understand that love isn’t what people make out.”
    “Apparently not,” I said, unable to think of much else to
say. I was blown away by this stranger standing in front of me. I wondered
where you had gone to? The Drew I had fallen in love with and loved still. You
certainly were not him.
    Your phone beeped with a text and I waited, wordless, while
you read it. The screen lit up your face and in it I could see anger in your
eyes. Anger at me? Perhaps.
    I felt like I didn’t know you anymore. In less than a week
you had become a stranger once again. The sort of person I never thought you
were capable of being. Where were you? The sweet you? The kind you? The
affectionate you? It broke my heart to see what you were in place of that man.
That was the man I wanted. That was the man I loved.
    You picked up your helmet. “I have to go.”
    “Already?” I asked, despite myself. You were making me
miserable, but I still wanted to be near you.
    “Someone needs my time,” was your response.
    What kind of reply is that?
    “Drew,” I stepped close to you. You vaguely smelt of
perfume, Pan’s I assume, and I tried to ignore it.
    You paused, phone still in your hand.
    “I don’t know what’s going on with you, or why you seem to
be so mad at me, but can we sort it out? I hate that things are not right
between us. If I did or said something to offend you, just tell me. I miss us,
the proper us, not this weird version.”
    You looked at me, long and silent, before you held out your
arm for me. I climbed inside