Diary of a Human Read Online Free PDF

cookie dough. And I may love her yet, but I love myself as well.  I love myself enough to not be a consolation prize for she who reaches for the One only I can have.
    There is a Love you reserve for only One.  History may repeat itself, but this Love does not.
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    DIARY OF A HUMAN
     
     
     
     
     
     
    4 Summer
     
     
    4.0//It’ll do
     
    A songstress softly croons in the background and I am acutely aware of my surroundings, my body naked and tangled in sheets perfumed by an intoxicating memory.  The room filled with the soft flickering glow of candles drowning in waxed tears.
    And I held her.  And she spilt hot tears onto my exposed skin.  Holding her, sharing and owning the pain that only another woman can know.  Because she is punished for being beautiful.  “I shouldn’t have gotten myself into that situation….” she mumbles, trailing off into my bare flesh.  And I silence her excuses and reasoning and blame, capturing her lips between my own, her salty tears mixing with mine as well.
    And I’ll never shower again for fear of losing this scent.  Because everything is so clear now. 
    Deliciously rugged arms.  Defined collar bone.  The gentle dip of her waist.  Jutting hip bones, peeking out from low-rise pajama bottoms. 
    Because she is sunshine and rainbows and puppy dogs.  And she may not be The One.  But she’s the One for me right now.
     
     
     
     
     
    4.1//short l ived
     
    You feel her shake against your body as the hot wasted tears flow down her cheeks.
    They always shake when you break their hearts.
    “I hate you,” she murmurs as she rides your fingers, unable to look into your eyes because she know s that is when she’ll crumble.
    You lick her tears away, running your tongue along her neck, tasting the salt on your tongue and crave more despair.
     
     
    4.2// do or don’t
     
    I sat at the bar and glanced nervously at my watch, not really noticing the time, but more a nervous habit.  She was late again, but I knew that tonight I would wait for her until the last bottle was opened, the final karaoke song sung, and the final cigarette had been smashed to an unrecognizable bit of pinched paper, each burning ember coaxed to death.
    I shifted, unsettled, on my high perch; consciously annoyed that my legs were too long for comfort.  A woman strode into the dimly lit space and my throat tightened up.  Not her.
    I coughed anxiously into my shaking, clammy clenched fist, continually readying my throat for the words that would not come so easily.  I love you.
    I raked my fingers through the chaotic curls a top my head.  Damn.  So short.  I need to stay away from scissors.  The bottom of my hair tickled the base of my neck and the newly inked tattoo.  A fresh scar that told me I wasn’t really ready to grow-up.
    Gotta stop fidgeting.  Take a deep breath.
    I lay my hands on my jean encased thighs and stared past the short polished tips to the faded blue material.  $120 for a pair of jeans.  I audibly sighed.  It was so hard to find that perfect fit.  But when you find it, you splurge and put it all on the line.
    Some risks are worth it.
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    DIARY OF A HUMAN
     
     
     
     
     
     
    5 Fall(ING)
     
     
    5.1//beginnings
     
    That awkward hug that endures for half a minute too long.  I let myself melt into her suffocating, staggering embrace last night.  Hello and goodbye.  She held my hand and it felt all too natural to touch her arm and the small of her back as I maneuvered around her shapely form.
    That laugh. Gut-busting, grinning white teeth, head tossed back.  She touches my arm and then buries her head into my shoulder, near tears.
    That scent. Indescribable, inimitable, unforgettable.
    A cover band blares in the background, smoky men with gapped teeth challenge us for our pool table. And we laugh.
    I stare at her, unnoticed, and long to brush the defiant tangle of hair for crossing her deliberate features  Brush the arrogant stand behind her ear.  Stroke