Delphi Complete Works of Jerome K. Jerome (Illustrated) (Series Four) Read Online Free PDF

of water. And when I do get to the sea, it is rough and quite insulting.
    One huge wave catches me up and chucks me in a sitting posture, as hard as ever it can, down on to a rock which has been put there for me. And, before I’ve said “Oh! Ugh!” and found out what has gone, the wave comes back and carries me out to mid-ocean. I begin to strike out frantically for the shore, and wonder if I shall ever see home and friends again, and wish I’d been kinder to my little sister when a boy (when I was a boy, I mean). Just when I have given up all hope, a wave retires and leaves me sprawling like a star-fish on the sand, and I get up and look back and find that I’ve been swimming for my life in two feet of water. I hop back and dress, and crawl home, where I have to pretend I liked it.
    In the present instance, we all talked as if we were going to have a long swim every morning.
    George said it was so pleasant to wake up in the boat in the fresh morning, and plunge into the limpid river. Harris said there was nothing like a swim before breakfast to give you an appetite. He said it always gave him an appetite. George said that if it was going to make Harris eat more than Harris ordinarily ate, then he should protest against Harris having a bath at all.
    He said there would be quite enough hard work in towing sufficient food for Harris up against stream, as it was.
    I urged upon George, however, how much pleasanter it would be to have Harris clean and fresh about the boat, even if we did have to take a few more hundredweight of provisions; and he got to see it in my light, and withdrew his opposition to Harris’s bath.
    Agreed, finally, that we should take three bath towels, so as not to keep each other waiting.
    For clothes, George said two suits of flannel would be sufficient, as we could wash them ourselves, in the river, when they got dirty. We asked him if he had ever tried washing flannels in the river, and he replied: “No, not exactly himself like; but he knew some fellows who had, and it was easy enough;” and Harris and I were weak enough to fancy he knew what he was talking about, and that three respectable young men, without position or influence, and with no experience in washing, could really clean their own shirts and trousers in the river Thames with a bit of soap.
    We were to learn in the days to come, when it was too late, that George was a miserable impostor, who could evidently have known nothing whatever about the matter. If you had seen these clothes after — but, as the shilling shockers say, we anticipate.
    George impressed upon us to take a change of under-things and plenty of socks, in case we got upset and wanted a change; also plenty of handkerchiefs, as they would do to wipe things, and a pair of leather boots as well as our boating shoes, as we should want them if we got upset.
     

CHAPTER IV.
     
    The food question. — Objections to paraffine oil as an atmosphere. — Advantages of cheese as a travelling companion. — A married woman deserts her home. — Further provision for getting upset. — I pack. — Cussedness of tooth-brushes. — George and Harris pack. — Awful behaviour of Montmorency. — We retire to rest.
    Then we discussed the food question. George said:
    “Begin with breakfast.” (George is so practical.) “Now for breakfast we shall want a frying-pan” — (Harris said it was indigestible; but we merely urged him not to be an ass, and George went on)—”a tea-pot and a kettle, and a methylated spirit stove.”
    “No oil,” said George, with a significant look; and Harris and I agreed.
    We had taken up an oil-stove once, but “never again.” It had been like living in an oil-shop that week. It oozed. I never saw such a thing as paraffine oil is to ooze. We kept it in the nose of the boat, and, from there, it oozed down to the rudder, impregnating the whole boat and everything in it on its way, and it oozed over the river, and saturated the scenery and spoilt the