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or “mystical dust.”
    Sister Maria Benedicta suggested that Sister Mary Nicolette should be canonized because the glow proved she is a saint. At this point in Sister Maria Benedicta’s retelling, Mother Miryam quips that it is a good thing a photograph documented the event, as that might be the closest Sister Mary Nicolette gets to becoming a saint. Sister Maria Benedicta laughs.
    Cloistered monastic nuns submit to a radical life, a hard life, but they rarely allow themselves—or anyone else who enters these walls—to be too pleased with herself or her own progress.
    Here, Sister Maria Benedicta is striving for perfection. Here, women who have departed contemporary American culture at various stages over the last century move together in a routine yet timeless space, focused on eternity as they synchronize to the cycle of prayers, manual labor, prayers, sleep, prayers.
    They pull weeds and sew veils. This work frees their minds to contemplate God and pray for others.
    One day after sewing with Mother Miryam, Sister Maria Benedicta learns that she has, indeed, been accepted by the community and can thus advance and make temporary vows as a Poor Clare Colettine nun. She and her community will continue to discern for the next three years until she can make final vows whether she truly is called to this vocation, in this place.
    In a somber, reflective moment, during a one-on-one interview, Sister Maria Benedicta shares her most basic desire. “It’s not just that I want to get to heaven,” she says. “I want everyone else to get there, too. And it is very urgent. It’s life or death, for eternity.”
    In this pursuit, she wants nothing less than to change the world, anonymously, by living virtue.

Called
Sister Mary Monica of the Holy Eucharist
    I started when I entered: I was counting the first week and I was making percentages. My nickname was Sister Calculata because I was counting and counting and counting. I didn’t do this out in the world; I never had something to look forward to as much as this, or something that I thought was really important.
    It has been a drain for me, for fifteen years to desire to be our Lord’s spouse and to not be able to do so, to long so much for this and to have the longing unfulfilled. Finally, by the Church, I am His spouse and that’s a wonderful thing.
    When I was real little, I thought about having the call to be a nun. And I decided against it because I really was more interested in the things of the world. I really think it was a call inside from God. I had this feeling that I was never meant to marry—a man anyway. I had this conviction that I was not meant to marry. And it was very strong. I think God was trying to tell me, but I did shut the door. I shut the door. I will admit I really deeply regret that. I really do because I really feel like I said “no” to God. I trust that He makes good out of that, but I will admit that I admire the sisters here that were courageous enough, and self-giving and selfless enough, to give themselves to Jesus right away and not get caught up in what they wanted and the things of the world. I very much admire the sisters here who did that and anyone who did that. But I didn’t. And I ended up forgetting about it. I don’t think that I ever told anybody about it, but there was one day where I decided no. I was particularly fond of horses. We had a horse farm and the reason we had it was because of me.
    I was on our farm and there was one day I was in the barn, and I was just having this real strong feeling inside to be a nun. And, at that point,I actually reversed the decision. I was cleaning the barn, and I had that feeling about being a nun and I just said, “Okay, Lord, I will give up everything,” and I meant it. Even when I was a child, I knew. I knew that if you were asked to give up everything, at that time you should say, “Yes, alright, Lord, I’ll give up everything.”
    I was twenty-six or twenty-seven years old. I