Day's End and Other Stories Read Online Free PDF Page B

silence fell. He was conscious of only her hands thudding very softly in the dough. Then again he said:
    â€˜It’s been sold, hasn’t it?’
    And he knew by the second drop of her eyes and the renewed silence that the farm had been sold. To whom and for how much it had been sold it was not necessary to ask. He only felt angry and raised his voice:
    â€˜We’re to go, I expect?’
    â€˜Don’t fret yourself.’
    â€˜We’re to go, I expect?’ he shouted.
    Then suddenly he saw that Henrietta’s lashes were wet. A tear directly afterwards bounded off her hand into the dough. And the sight of this single tear was too much for him. He suddenly felt wretched, listless, aspiring towards nothing, possessing not even a desire to stand still, but standing still because it seemed the nearest approach to nothing. And then, happening to glance up, he caught sight of his face in the glass. It appeared haggard, nearly grey against the red neckerchief, its eyes sunken and of no definite colour. Suddenly he remembered how Sam Houghton had seen a change in him. And now he himself saw this change, without fear, without delusion. And all he longed for was one moment in which to see himself as he had been before it – red in the face, with keen, fresh eyes and a look of hardiness even about his white hair. But he understood that it would not come, just as he understood no repeal of the order of eviction would come. And against either he had not the strength to protest. He sat in his chair all afternoon, his fleshy lips hung apart, his hands trembling on the arms of the chair, and when Henrietta came near him he muttered only:
    â€˜Leave me alone! For God’s sake go away!’
    XI
    In the dead of night Israel woke up with a start,muttering these same words: ‘Let me alone! Leave me in peace.’
    The blinds were drawn, the room was in total darkness. Yet as he lay stretched on his back he fancied he could see roving shapes on the ceiling, then on the walls, and lastly over the bed. It was to these shapes he thought he must have been crying: ‘Let me alone! For God’s sake go away.’
    In the first few moments between the end of the dream and full wakefulness, he thought frantically: ‘Why is it so dark, can I be dead? Where am I?’
    Gradually he came to complete consciousness. Some one had left a door open and he heard a clock distinctly ticking downstairs. He lay and recalled some fragments of a horrible dream in which a whole forest of trees had been falling upon him. The memory of this dream was itself terrible. Now the air was sultry, there was a scent of blossoming trees. Now and then cocks crowed. What time it was he did not know. He lay listening for an hour to strike. Nothing struck, however, and he felt himself grow more restless and wakeful.
    His head was full of thoughts; each one of which was clear, strong, yet strange and endlessly repeated. And this form of repetition made a sort of pattern of thought, thus:
    â€˜Sales by private deed.… It’s sold, isn’t it, it’s sold? … Yes, I will finish cutting it down.… I will finish it to-morrow.… We’re to go, I expect? … When shall we go? … Yes, to-morrow.…Leave me alone, I will finish it to-morrow! I’ll finish it!’
    Then two voices began to hold a conversation in his head:
    â€˜Is it true it’s been sold?’
    â€˜I expect so.’
    â€˜She didn’t say so.’
    â€˜I know it has.’ His heart grew heavy at this.
    â€˜Have you provided for Henrietta?’
    â€˜She will have everything.’
    â€˜What is there?’
    â€˜I don’t know.’
    And so he brought himself to a position where he considered the position, that is illness, eviction and death, calmly and unselfishly. Yet it was a troubled position. Each moment gave birth to this question:
    â€˜What is there?’
    And the same answer:
    â€˜I don’t