David Lodge - Small World Read Online Free PDF

me.”
    “Rupert! How could I ever forget that happy face? And here comes Bob Busby, right on cue,” said Morris Zapp, as a man with a less impressive beard than Philip Swallow’s cantered into the bar, a clipboard under his arm, keys and coins jingling in his pockets. Philip Swallow took him aside and urgent whispers were exchanged.
    “I’m afraid you’re landed with me as your chairman this afternoon, Zapp,” said Rupert Sutcliffe.
    “I’m honoured, Rupert.”
    “Have you, er, decided on a title?”
    “Yep. It’s called, `Textuality as Striptease’.”
    “Oh,” said Rupert Sutcliffe.
    “Does everybody know this young man, who kindly looked after me when I arrived?” said Morris Zapp. “Percy McGarrigle from Limerick.”
    Philip Swallow nodded perfunctorily at Persse and turned his attention back to the American. “Morris, we must get you a lapel badge so that everybody will know who you are.”
    “Don’t worry, if they don’t know already, I’ll tell them.”
    “When I said ‘Take a cab’ ” said Bob Busby reproachfully to Morris Zapp, “I meant from Heathrow to Euston, not from London to Rummidge.”
    “Never mind that now,” said Philip Swallow impatiently. “It’s no use crying over spilt milk. Morris, where is your luggage? I thought you’d be more comfortable staying with us than in Hall.”
    “I think so too, now I’ve seen the hall,” said Morris Zapp.
    “Hilary is dying to see you,” said Swallow, leading him away. “Hmm. That should be an interesting reunion,” murmured Rupert Sutcliffe, peering at the departing pair over his glasses. “What?” Persse responded absently. He was looking out for Angelica.
    “Well, you see, about ten years ago those two were nominated for our exchange scheme with Euphoria—in America, you know. Zapp came here for six months, and Swallow went to Euphoric State. Rumour has it that Zapp had an affair with Hilary Swallow, and Swallow with Mrs Zapp.”
    “You don’t say so?” Persse was intrigued by this story, in spite of the distraction of seeing Angelica come into the bar with Robin Dempsey. He was talking to her with great animation, while she wore the slightly fixed smile of someone who is being sung at in a musical comedy.
    “Quite. ‘What a set,’ as Matthew Arnold said of the Shelley circle… Anyway, at the same time, Gordon Masters, our Head of Department, retired prematurely after a nervous breakdown—it was 1969, the year of the student revolution, a trying time for everybody—and Zapp was being mooted by some as his successor. One day, however, just when things were coming to a head, he and Hilary Swallow suddenly flew off to America together, and we really didn’t know which couple to expect back: Zapp and Hilary, Philip and Hilary, Philip and Mrs Zapp, or both Zapps.”
    “What was Mrs Zapp’s name?” said Persse.
    “I’ve forgotten,” said Rupert Sutcliffe. “Does it matter?”
    “I like to know names,” said Persse. “I can’t follow a story without them.”
    “Anyway, we never saw her. The Swallows returned together. We gathered they were going to give the marriage another chance.”
    “It seems to have worked.”
    “Mmm. Though in my opinion,” Sutcliffe said darkly, “the whole episode had a deplorable effect on Swallow’s character.”
    “Oh?”
    Sutcliffe nodded, but seemed disinclined to elaborate.
    “So then they gave Philip Swallow the chair?” said Persse.
    “Not then, oh goodness me, no. No, then we had Dalton, he came from Oxford, until three years ago. He was killed in a car accident. Then they appointed Swallow. Some people would have preferred me, I believe, but I’m getting too old for that sort of thing.”
    “Oh, surely not,” said Persse, because Rupert Sutcliffe seemed to hope he would.
    “I’ll say one thing,” Sutcliffe volunteered. “If they’d appointed me, they’d have had a Head of Department who stuck to his last, and wasn’t flying off here there and everywhere all