Darkness Before Dawn Read Online Free PDF Page B

her mother, they were finally alone, and it was time to be honest. After
     all, isn’t that what she’d always preached to her daughter? “Give it to me straight!”
     She had said time and time again. Well, it was time that Barbara Hankins experienced
     her daughter’s honesty. How could God have dared to take her husband, particularly
     now? No words or flowers or pretty services would supply the answer, and Meg had grown
     so tired of pretending that she was grateful for any of those things. It was time
     her mother heard about what Meg really thought about the service and everything else
     that had happened over the past two days. This was the moment Meg could toss off the
     part of the good little wife who would lean on God, make it through this hard time,
     and let all of her emotions out. Her mother just happened to be in the wrong place
     at the wrong time. Like a wild stallion freed from a pen, she charged.
    “Mom, I don’t really care who came and who stayed home. I’m glad Terri didn’t waste
     her time and money trying to get home. I don’t give a flip about what Reverend Brooks
     or anyone else said or did. Steve’s dead and no one or nothing is going to change
     that.”
    The older woman, obviously stunned at the biting words spewing from her daughter’s
     mouth, rocked back on her heels. Almost joyfully, Meg observed the shock register
     on her mother’s face. This was exactly the reaction that Meg wanted. And before Barbara
     could find her voice, Meg continued.
    “If you want to believe that trash about God’s will, you can, but I don’t. You just
     show me what good will come out of this. I defy you to present to me just one thing!
     You can’t and you know it! No one can! You can’t give me one good reason that it was
     best for Steve to die now.”
    Meg’s brown eyes were burning with a cold, calculated fury, her tone now sharp and
     bitter. She was daring her mother to prove her wrong, verbally slapping the older
     woman with the faith she had long worn on her sleeve. And watching the confused look
     on her mother’s face gave Meg an emotional lift. After all, this time her mom would
     not have any satisfactory answers. There would be no Bible verses to trot out or old
     family stories that would make this all better.
    Barbara fidgeted on the couch, Meg’s sudden rage evidently shaking her to the bone.
     Meg could see the confusion written on her mother’s face and it brought her a strange
     sense of satisfaction.
    “Now, Honey,” she almost whispered, seemingly trying to choose words carefully so
     Meg would not become more upset. “You’re right. Nothing will bring Steve back, but
     bitterness is not going to get you anywhere. You can’t just give up on twenty-five
     years of faith simply because of one event.”
    “One event, Mom? Please get serious. Steve was my whole life. I’m not tossing out
     anything that matters, because I’ve already lost that. If God is a loving God, how
     could He have done this to Steve, to his family, or to me? You show me some reason,
     Mom. You can’t, because there isn’t any. There is absolutely no good reason for this.
     Steve didn’t die saving a life, didn’t die for some noble cause, he didn’t die for
     anything!”
    As silence filled the room and her fifty-five-year-old mother toyed with the corner
     of a magazine, Meg almost felt sorry for her. She almost reached out to hug Barbara.
     That is what she would have done in the past. She’d always been the perfect daughter.
     The girl who came home on time, kept her room neat, didn’t party, and never caused
     her parents’ any heartache. But she couldn’t be that person now. At this moment, with
     the fresh wounds of grief still raw, she couldn’t reach out in love to anyone, not
     even her mother.
    “Meg,” Barbara softly began, “I’ve always found that prayer is a way to understand
     just what . . .”
    Meg cut her off, “Okay, Mom, fine, you go ahead and pray, but I’m