Darkest England Read Online Free PDF Page B
Author: Christopher Hope
and âLittle Boyâ Ruyter, having been stolen, could not be said to have made the journey freely.
This kindly official expressed his regret that so few of us had left the country, saying that, if he had his way, special funds would be available to ensure that more of my sort went to England.
Next we set off to purchase my aeroplane ticket. To my dismay, this consumed much of the money so painstakingly collected by the Society. When I showed Prettyman the paltry amount remaining, little more than one thousand rand, he advised me to think no more about it, giving as his reasons the following. My expedition was bound to be short, since for experienced travellers of our sort, moving through a country, which he was reliably informed was not much larger than several sheep farms joined, would be childâs play; that the amount of money remaining represented the annual salary of his uncle, a farm labourer and considered well off because he slept in his own bed and was widely regarded as the luckiest man in Abrahamâs Grave: finally, I was carrying so choice a selection of gifts for barter and exchange with the English that he doubted I shouldever need money at all, and he would be surprised if I did not return home with most of my funds intact. That being so, he asked, and I did not refuse, a small loan with which he purchased a good five-man-can, and we refreshed ourselves before continuing to the airport, and then set about equipping my expedition.
We bought a brown suitcase of the best cardboard to house the gifts assembled for the Sovereign. We earnestly discussed which clothes would be suitable, and in the end we chose a grey suit because it was known that the country was continuously grey and wet. Prettyman explained it thus: the rain is in love with England in much the way it was once in love with the life-saving fountains of the dry desert, in the days when the San ruled in Bushmanland. My suit, being of the skyâs colour, signified our compliment to the heavens, by rendering to the rain the things that belong to the rain.
On the right-hand sleeve of this grand garment there was emblazoned the makerâs name, picked out in golden letters on a green background: MAN ABOUT TOWN . I thought it a trifle ostentatious, and would have removed it, but Prettyman Lottering said it would show the English that I came of a people wealthy enough to equip a traveller in purest polyester. Wearing the name on my sleeve had other useful applications. I did not own a watch, but I could study the label on my wrist, now and again, thus drawing attention to the quality of the garment. Warmer clothing, Prettyman assured me, would be a waste of my limited funds, since the Queen of the English was bound to present me with woollen garments from her sheep, which were said to number more than the clouds in the sky.
I bought, as well, a pair of black rubber boots â for it is said that their country is one long field of mud, except for a few days in the dry season, and the house of theSovereign possesses carpets wall to wall. And an unknown number of indoor toilets. Its roof is as tall as the Dutch Reformed church in Lutherburg.
My suitcase should have been larger. There was only just room for my gifts for Her Majesty. A good selection of trinkets for the general native populace that I had intended for barter â several good clay pipes, a kilogram of copper wire and some bales of rather pretty calico â had to be left behind in the keeping of the Lottering family, who swore they would be returned to Ramgoolamâs General Trading Store in Loxton, where they had been purchased, and the sum refunded to the Society. I must say that I had some doubts as to whether the goods would be returned but Prettyman swore that his wife would give birth to snakes if he failed to fulfil his promise.
My misgivings received an unfortunate reinforcement when, as the time came to pay for my modest purchases, my companions suddenly
This kindly official expressed his regret that so few of us had left the country, saying that, if he had his way, special funds would be available to ensure that more of my sort went to England.
Next we set off to purchase my aeroplane ticket. To my dismay, this consumed much of the money so painstakingly collected by the Society. When I showed Prettyman the paltry amount remaining, little more than one thousand rand, he advised me to think no more about it, giving as his reasons the following. My expedition was bound to be short, since for experienced travellers of our sort, moving through a country, which he was reliably informed was not much larger than several sheep farms joined, would be childâs play; that the amount of money remaining represented the annual salary of his uncle, a farm labourer and considered well off because he slept in his own bed and was widely regarded as the luckiest man in Abrahamâs Grave: finally, I was carrying so choice a selection of gifts for barter and exchange with the English that he doubted I shouldever need money at all, and he would be surprised if I did not return home with most of my funds intact. That being so, he asked, and I did not refuse, a small loan with which he purchased a good five-man-can, and we refreshed ourselves before continuing to the airport, and then set about equipping my expedition.
We bought a brown suitcase of the best cardboard to house the gifts assembled for the Sovereign. We earnestly discussed which clothes would be suitable, and in the end we chose a grey suit because it was known that the country was continuously grey and wet. Prettyman explained it thus: the rain is in love with England in much the way it was once in love with the life-saving fountains of the dry desert, in the days when the San ruled in Bushmanland. My suit, being of the skyâs colour, signified our compliment to the heavens, by rendering to the rain the things that belong to the rain.
On the right-hand sleeve of this grand garment there was emblazoned the makerâs name, picked out in golden letters on a green background: MAN ABOUT TOWN . I thought it a trifle ostentatious, and would have removed it, but Prettyman Lottering said it would show the English that I came of a people wealthy enough to equip a traveller in purest polyester. Wearing the name on my sleeve had other useful applications. I did not own a watch, but I could study the label on my wrist, now and again, thus drawing attention to the quality of the garment. Warmer clothing, Prettyman assured me, would be a waste of my limited funds, since the Queen of the English was bound to present me with woollen garments from her sheep, which were said to number more than the clouds in the sky.
I bought, as well, a pair of black rubber boots â for it is said that their country is one long field of mud, except for a few days in the dry season, and the house of theSovereign possesses carpets wall to wall. And an unknown number of indoor toilets. Its roof is as tall as the Dutch Reformed church in Lutherburg.
My suitcase should have been larger. There was only just room for my gifts for Her Majesty. A good selection of trinkets for the general native populace that I had intended for barter â several good clay pipes, a kilogram of copper wire and some bales of rather pretty calico â had to be left behind in the keeping of the Lottering family, who swore they would be returned to Ramgoolamâs General Trading Store in Loxton, where they had been purchased, and the sum refunded to the Society. I must say that I had some doubts as to whether the goods would be returned but Prettyman swore that his wife would give birth to snakes if he failed to fulfil his promise.
My misgivings received an unfortunate reinforcement when, as the time came to pay for my modest purchases, my companions suddenly