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on my cheek.

V.
    Are you there, Satan? It's me, Madison. After a somewhat rocky start,
I'm having simply the best time. I continue to meet new people, and I'm sorry
about the mix-up... just imagine: me mistaking just some regular ordinary,
nobody-special demon for you. I'm learning something new and interesting all the
time from Leonard. On top of that, I've concocted a way-brilliant idea for how
to overcome my insidious addiction to hope.
     

     
    Who could imagine that cross-cultural anthropological theology could be
so absolutely fascinating! According to Leonard, who really does have the
loveliest brown eyes, all the demons of Hell formerly reigned as gods in
previous cultures.
    No, it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. As each
subsequent civilization became a dominant power, among its first acts was to depose
and demonize whoever the previous culture had worshiped. The Jews attacked
Belial, the god of the Babylonians. The Christians banished Pan and Loki and
Mars, the respective deities of the ancient Greeks and Celts and Romans. The
Anglican British banned belief in the Australian aboriginal spirits known as
the Mimi. Satan is depicted with cloven hooves because Pan had them, and he
carries a pitchfork based on the trident carried by Neptune. As each deity was
deposed, it was relegated to Hell. For gods so long accustomed to receiving
tribute and loving attention, of course this status shift put them into a foul
mood.
    And, ye gods, I knew the word relegated before it came out of
Leonard's mouth. I might be thirteen and a newbie to the underworld, but don't
take me for an idiot.
    "Our friend Ahriman was originally cast out of the pantheon by the
pre-Zoroastrian Iranians," Leonard says, shaking his index finger in my
direction and adding, "but don't be tempted to perceive Essenism as a
Judaic avatar of Mazdaism."
    Shaking his head, Leonard says, "Nothing related to Nebuchadnezzar
the Second and Cyaxares is ever that simple."
    Babette gazes at the compact she holds open in one hand, retouching her
eye shadow with a little brush. Looking up from her reflection in the tiny
mirror, Babette calls to Leonard, "Could you possibly BE more
boring?"
    Among the early Catholics, he says, the Church found l hat monotheism
couldn't replace the long-beloved polytheism now outdated and considered pagan.
Celebrants were too used to petitioning individual deities, so the Church
created the various saints, each a counterpart to an earlier deity,
representing love, success, recovery from illness, etc. As battles raged and
kingdoms rose and fell the god Aryaman was replaced by Sraosha. Mithra
supplanted Vishnu. Zoroaster made Mithra obsolete, and with each succeeding
god, the prior ruling deity was cast into obscurity and contempt.
    "Even the word demon," Leonard says, "originates
with Christian theologians who misinterpreted 'daimon' in the writings
of Socrates. Originally the word meant 'muse' or 'inspiration,' but its most
common definition was 'god.'" He adds that if civilization lasts long
enough into the future, one day even Jesus will be skulking around Hades,
banished and ticked off.
    "Bullshit!" a man yells. The yelling erupts from the jail
cell of the football man, where his bare bones foam with red corpuscles, the
red bubbles running together to form muscles which swell and stretch to attach
with their tendons, the white ligaments braiding, a process both compelling and
revolting to watch. Even before a layer of skin has fully enveloped the skull,
the mandible drops open to shout, "That's bullshit, geek!" The
flow of new skin breaks like a pink wave to form lips around the teeth, the
lips saying, "You just keep talking that way, twerp! That's exactly why
you're stuck here."
    Without looking up from her own reflection in her compact mirror,
Babette asks, "What are you down here for?"
    "Offsides," the football man calls back.
    Leonard shouts, "Why am I here?"
    I ask, "What's 'offsides'?"
    Auburn hair sprouts from