Curses! Read Online Free PDF Page B

Three Blind Mice Tavern. According to Asia, the tavern served the finest mead in all the land, as well as cheesy doodles. “Just don’t order the Mice-a-roni,” she warned, her face wrinkling with disgust even as her tummy grumbled.
    I prayed the food tasted better than the tavern looked. With a sigh, I decided it couldn’t taste worse. Peeling pink paint covered the exterior walls, only interrupted by broken, greying shutters and streaks of vomit stains. The inside was slightly better, in that peanut shells covered the puke stains on the pink shag carpet.
    Asia and I strode into the bar like something from an Old Western fairytale. All heads swiveled our way. I would’ve laughed if most of their lecherous looks weren’t aimed at the lady standing next to me.
    My hand shot to the small of Asia’s back. Mine, I branded, my eyes staring down each of the degenerate characters inside the smoke-filled room. One guy with a hook on the end of his hand gazed at Asia much too long. I tilted my head in warning, and he quickly backed down.
    Asia didn’t appear to notice our exchange. Instead, she pushed her way through the crowd, pausing in front of a scarred booth. Four burly henchmen sat in the booth, their muscles bulging with evil intent. I recognized one of them as the dude with a foot fetish on the last season of New Never City’s Most Wanted Bachelors.
    â€œThis is my booth.” My slim-hipped companion stabbed her finger at the table. Much to my surprise, the four minions jumped from the booth as if it was on fire. They stumbled out of Asia’s way, whispering apologies as they ran.
    I should’ve realized right then that there was more here than met the eye. But in my defense, Asia looked so hot, standing there with her arms crossed and her foot tapping, that I probably wouldn’t have noticed a midget drag queen in pink chiffon.
    A midget drag queen in pink chiffon appeared at our newly acquired booth. He squinted at Asia and then asked for our order. Asia pointed at me. “He’ll have the cheesy doodles and the finest mead. I’ll have,” she sighed, “water.”
    I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment on her high-handedness or her order. I would have, but my mind was elsewhere, about four booths elsewhere.
    Sitting as pretty as a picture in a booth much like ours was the reason for my current plague of niceness.
    Natasha.
    Hate rose within me, bitter and burning.
    My ex-wife Natasha swirled her dirty vodka martini and laughed at the much-too-pretty man sitting across from her. She looked amazing, dressed all in black. The only burst of color was her blood-red lips. I shivered when she bit said bottom lip, drawing it through her teeth as if savoring every inch.
    My, what sharp teeth you have....
    The better to ruin your life with. Damn her.
    I hadn’t seen Natasha in a while. Not since the day she walked out on me and our villainous future. This wouldn’t have been bad, except she took off with the Frog Prince, leaving me with a bad case of warts.
    After her departure, a couple of painful applications of liquid nitrogen to my affected areas, and a brief nervous breakdown, the union had deemed me unfit for duty. I blamed Natasha for it all. We’d been the perfect villainous couple, then she left, and my life went to shit.
    From that day on, I vowed I would never fall in love again. It wasn’t worth the nice.
    â€œProblem?” Asia glanced over her shoulder. Her eyes scanned the bar for whatever held my attention.
    â€œAlways. But nothing I wanna discuss. Not when I’m seated across from you.” I cleared my throat and reached for her hand. Her attention returned to me, saving me from an uncomfortable explanation about my soul-sucking ex-wife, not to mention a plausible excuse for my inspector impersonation.
    The midget drag queen slammed a plate of cheesy curls in front of me and stalked away as fast as his tiny pink heels