looked for it. Locks on the windows; assistants casually mingling. But aside from the patio doors in here, the keypad at the entrance appeared to be the only way in or out. As Robert led me across, I noticed the large security bars here as well.
Outside in the sun, light-brown paving stones ran the length of the hospital building, the walkway expanding into small squares at the external doors of every ward. There were semi-circles of wooden seats at each, linked by tables, and cylindrical bins topped with sand for extinguishing cigarettes. People were sitting or standing all the way along, smoking, talking carefully, or just squinting against the sun and enjoying the fresh air.
Tori had her back to me, but her hair was tied up to reveal the star tattooed on the back of her neck and I recognised her immediately. She was sitting with a bunch of people. One was painfully thin, her skin almost yellow, and I presumed she was another patient. There was an older couple next to this girl, who I guessed were her parents.
Sitting opposite were Choc and Cardo, looking at me.
I nodded hello. Choc returned the gesture, but Cardo just slouched down a little more and stared off to one side. His foot started tapping.
'Hey there.' I wanted to put my hand on Tori's shoulder, but I didn't know if that was allowed so I leaned around instead. 'I made it.'
She looked up at me, saluting against the sun.
'Hello. Come and sit down.'
I rummaged in the bag I'd brought: 'Some cigarettes.'
'Thank you.'
'Let's have a look, then.'
She turned her head for me to see, and I held back a wince. Sunlight brought out the colours in the side of her face, which was a swirl of purples, yellows and blacks. Her left eye was pink and bloodshot, like she was wearing a contact lens for a part in a horror movie. I felt another sharp jolt of anger at Eddie Berries for what he'd done, and myself for what I hadn't.
'Very pretty.'
'I think so, yes.' She said it decisively. 'Purple's always been my favourite colour.' She turned to the anorexic girl beside her. 'This is Amy and some of her family.'
'Nice to meet you.'
We all smiled at each other a little awkwardly, and then Tori started talking to Amy as though I wasn't there. 'You must remind me to send it to you when we're out of here,' she said. 'I think it's one of his best.'
I lit up a cigarette and for a few minutes the rest of us sat in silence. When the assistant had told me Tori was sedated, I'd half-expected to find her subdued or sleepy - but it was more that she seemed easily distracted: flitting between topics, beginning and ending new conversations almost at random. Without the drugs, she'd probably have been bouncing off the walls. With them, the manic side was still there, but came through in a kind of grey-scale, like a dance tune with the volume turned down.
Eventually I turned to Choc. 'How are you doing?'
He shrugged, lit up a cigarette of his own. 'This and that, you know. We're doing all right.'
'That's good.'
He gestured across at Tori. 'She tell you what happened?'
'Most of it.' I shook my head, hesitating, and then said: 'I wish I'd done something.'
Everything dropped out of his expression, leaving it flat and blank. He nodded slowly, then said quietly: 'Tell me about it.'
I'd only met them a couple of times since that first night at Edward's. On both occasions they'd been pleasant enough company, and it had been easy to forget what they did for a living. But of course, once I knew, it was always there. They're very protective of me, Tori had said once, and I supposed that was one of the reasons I'd never taken against them. There was something about her that attracted all kinds of people; how those people behaved towards her had become a sort of barometer for me. If Choc cared about her and looked out for her, then he couldn't be so bad. Whereas Eddie was equally drawn in, but could somehow bring himself to hurt her.
'I'm glad you came, anyway,' Choc said. 'She's not stopped
Outside in the sun, light-brown paving stones ran the length of the hospital building, the walkway expanding into small squares at the external doors of every ward. There were semi-circles of wooden seats at each, linked by tables, and cylindrical bins topped with sand for extinguishing cigarettes. People were sitting or standing all the way along, smoking, talking carefully, or just squinting against the sun and enjoying the fresh air.
Tori had her back to me, but her hair was tied up to reveal the star tattooed on the back of her neck and I recognised her immediately. She was sitting with a bunch of people. One was painfully thin, her skin almost yellow, and I presumed she was another patient. There was an older couple next to this girl, who I guessed were her parents.
Sitting opposite were Choc and Cardo, looking at me.
I nodded hello. Choc returned the gesture, but Cardo just slouched down a little more and stared off to one side. His foot started tapping.
'Hey there.' I wanted to put my hand on Tori's shoulder, but I didn't know if that was allowed so I leaned around instead. 'I made it.'
She looked up at me, saluting against the sun.
'Hello. Come and sit down.'
I rummaged in the bag I'd brought: 'Some cigarettes.'
'Thank you.'
'Let's have a look, then.'
She turned her head for me to see, and I held back a wince. Sunlight brought out the colours in the side of her face, which was a swirl of purples, yellows and blacks. Her left eye was pink and bloodshot, like she was wearing a contact lens for a part in a horror movie. I felt another sharp jolt of anger at Eddie Berries for what he'd done, and myself for what I hadn't.
'Very pretty.'
'I think so, yes.' She said it decisively. 'Purple's always been my favourite colour.' She turned to the anorexic girl beside her. 'This is Amy and some of her family.'
'Nice to meet you.'
We all smiled at each other a little awkwardly, and then Tori started talking to Amy as though I wasn't there. 'You must remind me to send it to you when we're out of here,' she said. 'I think it's one of his best.'
I lit up a cigarette and for a few minutes the rest of us sat in silence. When the assistant had told me Tori was sedated, I'd half-expected to find her subdued or sleepy - but it was more that she seemed easily distracted: flitting between topics, beginning and ending new conversations almost at random. Without the drugs, she'd probably have been bouncing off the walls. With them, the manic side was still there, but came through in a kind of grey-scale, like a dance tune with the volume turned down.
Eventually I turned to Choc. 'How are you doing?'
He shrugged, lit up a cigarette of his own. 'This and that, you know. We're doing all right.'
'That's good.'
He gestured across at Tori. 'She tell you what happened?'
'Most of it.' I shook my head, hesitating, and then said: 'I wish I'd done something.'
Everything dropped out of his expression, leaving it flat and blank. He nodded slowly, then said quietly: 'Tell me about it.'
I'd only met them a couple of times since that first night at Edward's. On both occasions they'd been pleasant enough company, and it had been easy to forget what they did for a living. But of course, once I knew, it was always there. They're very protective of me, Tori had said once, and I supposed that was one of the reasons I'd never taken against them. There was something about her that attracted all kinds of people; how those people behaved towards her had become a sort of barometer for me. If Choc cared about her and looked out for her, then he couldn't be so bad. Whereas Eddie was equally drawn in, but could somehow bring himself to hurt her.
'I'm glad you came, anyway,' Choc said. 'She's not stopped
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