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me miss my parents all the more. I want to have one of my mom’s earth mama hugs, and I want my dad to talk to. He always helps me sort out what my panic attacks are about. What would he say about this one? I’m not sure that I want to know. Something tells me this is a biggie.
    “I just wish I could talk to my parents.”
    The tears let loose. “I just miss them so much!”
    Larissa and Maira share another look, and then Maira takes my wineglass and offers me a tissue instead. “Do you want us to take you home?”
    “Home?” That, of course, makes me cry harder. “That’s just it. I want to go to my real home.”
    Larissa rubs my back, which for some reason reminds me of how she’d patted the bedspread earlier, which makes me think of Orion again. What is going on? All of this is so confusing. “Do you want to go to your sister’s?”
    I shake my head.
    “Do you want to stay here for the night, upstairs?”
    I nod. “But I have to go get Daisy.”
    “Her dog,” Maira replies to Larissa’s look.
    “Okay. All of this is manageable.” Larissa stands. “Come on. We’ll go get Daisy with the car.”
    Larissa drives me back to Joy’s and waitsin the street, double-parked, while I drag myself up the six flights of stairs because the elevator is busted again. No one is home, as usual. I pack a bag, collect Daisy and her food and leave Joy and Bruce a note.
    On the drive back we are stopped in traffic in front of Uncle Louie G’s. There’s Nat, talking with a girl behind the counter, while Clocker begs beside her. Nat pays for a cone and then gives the whole thing to Clocker, ice cream and all. She sees us and waves. I’m instantly all nerves.
    “Larissa, hey!”
    Larissa pulls the car over. I’m acutely aware of my red-rimmed eyes and snotty nose and general miserableness. “You staying out of trouble, Nat?”
    “Of course I am.” Nat leans into Larissa’s window and sees me. “Oh, hi.”
    “Hi.” I really don’t want anyone to see me like this, and, for some reason, especially not her. Daisy clambers over Larissa and slobbers all over Clocker, who’s stuck his smelly mug in the window.
    “Thanks for the other day,” Nat says. “I really appreciated it.”
    “No big deal.” I wish Larissa would put the gas pedal to use. “No problem.”
    “Nat?” Larissa says in a singsong. “What’s going on?”
    “She found Clocker the other day. That’s all.” Nat backs away, hands up. “Hey, I am staying out of trouble.”
    “Good.” Larissa looks at me, then back at Nat. “Good to hear, Nat. Take care.”
    Larissa drives, silent until she’s circled their block twice, looking for a parking spot. “So, you’ve met Nat.”
    “Sort of.”
    “She’s a piece of Park Slope color, you could say. Her and Clocker. Clocker wanders off so much everyone knows to look out for him and bring him back to the bike shop.”
    “No one seemed to know him the other day in the park.”
    “Well, not everybody . You know what I mean.”
    I shrug. “Whatever.”
    “She’s a good kid.”
    I shrug again.
    “She’d make a good friend for someone who might be in the market for one,” she says as she parallel parks in an impossibly small spot. “Do you want me to call her? Invite her over?”
    “No!” I gather my things and fling open the door. “No, thanks, I mean. I’m okay. You don’t need to do that. Really.”
    Part of me wishes she would, though. But the problem is that the weight in my stomach, the butterflies and the nerves have all sculpted themselves into one big thunk of a realization: I have a crush on Nat. A crush on a girl

Chapter Six
    Crush or not, I hardly have time to think about it. I don’t want to anyway, so I am thankful that a day with the twins is life in fast-forward times two. “Handful” does not even begin to describe it. Four whole days go by before I have a chance to sit still for more than a minute. I’m all about distractions, anyway. If I keep myself busy hanging out