Crazy About the Baumgartners Read Online Free PDF

just out of habit. I could hear them talking through the wall,
but it was just voices, no real intelligible words. It reminded me of how I
used to listen to my parents talking at night, the comforting sound of their
voices lulling me to sleep. It had been a long time since I’d had a family, a
real family. My parents had been gone for almost ten years. A car accident. My
father had been drunk, driving them home from a party, and had killed not only
himself and my mother, but another woman, and had paralyzed her six year old
daughter. And of course, left her motherless too.
    I’d
spent the last two years of high school with my aunt, a very fundamentally
religious woman who had introduced me to plenty of families with kids who
needed caring for. That’s where’d I got all my babysitting experience, which
translated into great references for my resume once I started applying for
nanny jobs.
    Which
had led me, step by step, right here. Somehow, this job being a full time nanny
for the Baumgartners seemed meant to be. I felt more comfortable here in the
Baumgartners’ guest bed than I’d felt in a long time. I listened to the ticking
of the big grandfather clock down in the foyer, the ambient hum of the house, a
place I spent so much time but had never called home before.
    “Well,
I know, but… shhh, I’ll be back in a minute.” The door next to mine opened,
Mrs. B’s voice and a slant of light spilling out onto the opposite wall. I saw
her shadow pass, heading down the hall. Then I heard the bathroom door close. I
listened to the sound of laughter and Jon Stewart monologing on the television
in their room.
    “Gretchen?”
Mrs. B whispered from my doorway. “Are you sleeping?”
    I
kept my eyes closed, held still. Pretended to be sleeping.
    “Hey,
babe, can you grab me a glass of water?” Doc called.
    I
listened as Mrs. B went to the bathroom. I heard the sink running.
    “So
when are Dani and her boys coming?” Doc asked as Mrs. B returned with his glass
of water.
    “August.”
Mrs. B snorted. “Dani and her boys ?”
    “Well,
what do you want me to call them?” Doc asked. “Her husbands?”
    “That
would be more accurate.”
    “She
really sleeps with both of them?”
    “Doc,
she slept with both of us.”
    I
perked up, eyes wide, staring at the ceiling. Who was this Dani with two
husbands who had slept with the Baumgartners?
    “I
remember,” Doc replied, sounding sly. “Think she’ll do it again?”
    “I
don’t know.”
    “Well
not sleeping with her husbands,” Doc insisted. “And neither are you.”
    “But
you’re fine with another woman?” Mrs. B laughed.
    “And
so are you,” he reminded her. I heard her giggle. “You miss it.”
    “You
know me too well.” Mrs. B’s voice turned to honey.
    “We
need to find another woman for you,” Doc murmured. His voice was softer now and
I hear Mrs. B’s low moan.
    “That’s
like searching for a unicorn.” Mrs. B laughed. “Isn’t that what they say?”
    “We
found Dani,” he said. “And we found Ronnie.”
    “And
look what happened.” Mrs. B sounded sad. “Ronnie wouldn’t even return my
calls.”
    So
they had tried to contact her. Ronnie never said. I had wondered, but she
didn’t talk to me about the Baumgartners, not anymore.
    “But
Dani stayed in contact,” Doc countered.
    “Yeah,
and she went a whole other direction.”
    Doc
snorted. “I’ll say.”
    “So
we have no real proof a woman exists who would be happy to be just our lover.”
    “I’m
sure she exists,” Doc replied.
    “Like
unicorns? Or dragons? Or narwals?”
    “Carrie,
narwals are real.”
    “Really?”
    Doc
laughed. “Yes, really.”
    “Besides,
we just got approved as a foster family,” Mrs. B reminded him. “Can you imagine
what they’d say if they knew we had a female lover?”
    “Who
says we have to tell them?”
    “Doc,
the kids…”
    “We’re
discreet. We’ve kept it from them so far.”
    It
was true, Henry and Janie had no idea their