Cover of Night Read Online Free PDF Page B

pro was that she liked being her own boss. She liked what she was doing, liked cooking, liked the people in the community. They were just people, maybe more independent-minded than their metropolitan counterparts, but with quirks, strengths, and weaknesses like everyone else. The air was clear and clean, and the boys were perfectly safe playing outside.
    One of the items in the con column was the area’s remoteness. There was no cell phone service, no DSL for the computer. Television was a satellite system, which meant a heavily snow-blocked reception. There was no such thing as a quick trip to the grocery to pick up a few items; grocery shopping involved a one-hour trip each way, so she made the journey every other week and bought mountains of supplies. The boys’ doctor was also an hour away. When they started school, she would have to make that drive twice a day, five days a week, which meant she’d have to hire help. Even collecting the mail took effort. There was a long line of rural mail boxes down at the main road, more than ten miles distant. Anyone heading that way was obliged to take the community’s outgoing mail and bring back whatever had been delivered—which meant keeping a supply of rubber bands handy to keep each person’s mail separated from the others—and then deliver it to the recipients.
    The boys were short on playmates, too. There was one child near their age: Angelina Contreras, who was six and in first grade, which meant she was in school during the day. The few teenagers often stayed with friends or relatives in town during the school year, coming home only on the weekends, because of the distance involved.
    Cate wasn’t blind to the problems caused by her choices, but overall she thought she’d made the best decision for the boys. They were her prime consideration, the underlying reason for every action she took. The responsibility of raising them, caring for them, fell on her shoulders, and she was determined they wouldn’t suffer.
    Sometimes she felt so alone she thought she would break under the stress. On the surface everything was completely normal, even mundane. She lived in this small community where everyone knew everyone else; she raised her kids; she bought groceries and cooked and paid bills, dealt with all the normal homeowner worries. Each day was almost completely like the one that had gone before.
    But since Derek’s death, she had constantly felt as if she were walking on the brink of a cliff, and one misstep would send her over. She alone had the responsibility for the boys, for providing for them, not just now, but in the future, too. What if the money she’d set aside for their college education wasn’t enough? What if the stock market tanked when they were eighteen, what if interest rates plummeted? The success or failure of the B and B was totally on her shoulders— everything was totally on her shoulders, every decision, every plan, every moment. If she’d had only herself to worry about, she wouldn’t have been terrified; but she had the boys, and because of them she lived on the edge of panic.
    They were only four, little more than babies, and utterly dependent on her. They had already lost their father, and even though they didn’t remember him, they had certainly felt his absence in their lives, and would feel it more keenly as they grew older. How could she make up for that? Was she strong enough to guide them safely through the headstrong, hormonal teenage years? She loved them so much she wouldn’t be able to bear it if anything happened to them, but what if the decisions she’d made were all wrong?
    There were no guarantees. She knew that, knew that even if Derek were still alive, there would be problems; but the big difference would have been that she wouldn’t be alone in facing them.
    Because of the boys, when Derek died she’d forced herself to function, forced the grief into an inner prison where she could keep it controlled until she was alone