Constellation Games Read Online Free PDF Page B
Author: Leonard Richardson
Jenny's bras under my shirt.
Curic: The package is ready for delivery. Are
you ready to bring it inside?
----
ABlum: yeah, we're just sitting around down here wearing each other's clothes
----
Curic: Is that merely a colorful idiom or
is it a cultural phenomenon I should investigate?
----
ABlum: it is neither
We went into the backyard in various levels of drag. Bai finally put his phone away. "Are we gonna see it?" he said.
"It's too small," I said, "and it doesn't heat up enough to glow. It just lands."
And it landed, but not for another ten minutes. The tiny shockwave rattled us and knocked over the aforementioned beer cans. This package was much bigger than the old one—an egg of re-entry foam five feet long.
"Whoop!" said Bai, and pounced on it. "Jesus it's hot!"
Jenny held up my oven mitts. "This is why humans invented tools," she said. "Let's get it inside before it starts a grass fire."
"Yeah," I said, "or my crazy neighbor mistakes us for racoons and shoots us."
The top of the egg had "Constellation Shipping" etched on it, and the same starfield I'd seen on my USB key. We put the egg in the bathtub, this side up, and Bai shook my bottle of rubbing alcohol like a madman.
"Whoa whoa," I said.
Jenny took a water pick out of her purse. "This isn't one of your parties, Bai," she said. "We're going to use as little alcohol as possible."
"It's just the packing material," said Bai. "You want to sell it online?"
"You see packing material," said Jenny, "I see sculpting medium."
Bai took off his dress and rolled up the half-sleeves of his polo shirt. "Do you open your Christmas presents this way?"
"Yes I do," said Jenny. She cut a channel down the middle of the egg and Bai and I pulled the two halves apart while Jenny filmed the unboxing video. The Brain Embryo slid out of the eggshell, a heavy oblong shape like two couches sixty-nining.
Like the kid with the big half of the wishbone, I staggered back with the side of the egg that contained the Brain Embryo. Bai held the empty half, except it wasn't empty. Stuff started pouring out of the cavity in the middle, and into the bathtub. Plastic sheets, wires, adapter cables. Cables spanning the ninety million years of history between the Farang Brain Embryo and the human high-def TV.
"Shit," said Bai, shaking out the foam block. "Where are the instructions?"
I set the Brain Embryo on the toilet seat. "Curic sent me instructions," I said, "but they're written in Simple Affect Metadata Exchange."
Bai knelt in the bathtub, fondled the cables and held one up. "This end is a DCMI cable," he said.
"Yes," said Jenny, "and the other end is a condom."
I looked up Curic's instructions. They were written in a very old dialect of SAME that got more and more recent as it described cables further along the chain from the Brain Embryo. The last sentence was in English: "Attach the spectrum converter to a television using the provided cable."
We moved everything into the living room. "Should be simple enough," said Bai. "We work backwards." He unfolded a large sheet of black plastic, like a road map of space.
"This diagram looks like an absorbtion spectrum," he said. "It could be the spectrum converter."
"The condom won't fit on that," said Jenny.
"That's what she said."
"Jesus Christ, Bai!"
"Putting aside whether or not what's what she said," I said, "that's photosynthesis paint. It's what they use on the moon base."
"So, this is the power source," said Bai.
"And it's nighttime," said Jenny. She sighed. "I'm going home."
"I'll drive you," said Bai.
That's why we still haven't played any Brain Embryo games. And that's why Bai is wearing lipstick in the unboxing video.
----
Chapter 5: Let's Play
Blog post, June 23
GAME REVIEWS YOU WERE TOO SHY TO ASK OUT IN HIGH SCHOOL 2.0 PRESENTS
Gatekeeper (c. 90 million years ago)
A game by Clan Snowman
Reviewed by Ariel Blum
Publisher: Clan Snowman
Platforms: Brain Embryo
ESRB rating: T for light blasphemy
The Brain Embryo is a
Curic: The package is ready for delivery. Are
you ready to bring it inside?
----
ABlum: yeah, we're just sitting around down here wearing each other's clothes
----
Curic: Is that merely a colorful idiom or
is it a cultural phenomenon I should investigate?
----
ABlum: it is neither
We went into the backyard in various levels of drag. Bai finally put his phone away. "Are we gonna see it?" he said.
"It's too small," I said, "and it doesn't heat up enough to glow. It just lands."
And it landed, but not for another ten minutes. The tiny shockwave rattled us and knocked over the aforementioned beer cans. This package was much bigger than the old one—an egg of re-entry foam five feet long.
"Whoop!" said Bai, and pounced on it. "Jesus it's hot!"
Jenny held up my oven mitts. "This is why humans invented tools," she said. "Let's get it inside before it starts a grass fire."
"Yeah," I said, "or my crazy neighbor mistakes us for racoons and shoots us."
The top of the egg had "Constellation Shipping" etched on it, and the same starfield I'd seen on my USB key. We put the egg in the bathtub, this side up, and Bai shook my bottle of rubbing alcohol like a madman.
"Whoa whoa," I said.
Jenny took a water pick out of her purse. "This isn't one of your parties, Bai," she said. "We're going to use as little alcohol as possible."
"It's just the packing material," said Bai. "You want to sell it online?"
"You see packing material," said Jenny, "I see sculpting medium."
Bai took off his dress and rolled up the half-sleeves of his polo shirt. "Do you open your Christmas presents this way?"
"Yes I do," said Jenny. She cut a channel down the middle of the egg and Bai and I pulled the two halves apart while Jenny filmed the unboxing video. The Brain Embryo slid out of the eggshell, a heavy oblong shape like two couches sixty-nining.
Like the kid with the big half of the wishbone, I staggered back with the side of the egg that contained the Brain Embryo. Bai held the empty half, except it wasn't empty. Stuff started pouring out of the cavity in the middle, and into the bathtub. Plastic sheets, wires, adapter cables. Cables spanning the ninety million years of history between the Farang Brain Embryo and the human high-def TV.
"Shit," said Bai, shaking out the foam block. "Where are the instructions?"
I set the Brain Embryo on the toilet seat. "Curic sent me instructions," I said, "but they're written in Simple Affect Metadata Exchange."
Bai knelt in the bathtub, fondled the cables and held one up. "This end is a DCMI cable," he said.
"Yes," said Jenny, "and the other end is a condom."
I looked up Curic's instructions. They were written in a very old dialect of SAME that got more and more recent as it described cables further along the chain from the Brain Embryo. The last sentence was in English: "Attach the spectrum converter to a television using the provided cable."
We moved everything into the living room. "Should be simple enough," said Bai. "We work backwards." He unfolded a large sheet of black plastic, like a road map of space.
"This diagram looks like an absorbtion spectrum," he said. "It could be the spectrum converter."
"The condom won't fit on that," said Jenny.
"That's what she said."
"Jesus Christ, Bai!"
"Putting aside whether or not what's what she said," I said, "that's photosynthesis paint. It's what they use on the moon base."
"So, this is the power source," said Bai.
"And it's nighttime," said Jenny. She sighed. "I'm going home."
"I'll drive you," said Bai.
That's why we still haven't played any Brain Embryo games. And that's why Bai is wearing lipstick in the unboxing video.
----
Chapter 5: Let's Play
Blog post, June 23
GAME REVIEWS YOU WERE TOO SHY TO ASK OUT IN HIGH SCHOOL 2.0 PRESENTS
Gatekeeper (c. 90 million years ago)
A game by Clan Snowman
Reviewed by Ariel Blum
Publisher: Clan Snowman
Platforms: Brain Embryo
ESRB rating: T for light blasphemy
The Brain Embryo is a
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