Confessions of an Ex-Girlfriend Read Online Free PDF

years old, am I not entitled to free Calphalon yet?
    The phone rang, saving me from starting the dreaded article.
    â€œHey, Em,” came Jade’s voice over the line.
    â€œJade. Thank God.”
    â€œWere you expecting someone else?”
    â€œI was hoping for anyone who is not getting married.”
    â€œNo fear here. What’s going on?”
    â€œNothing, nothing. You know, the usual. Deadline pressure high, motivation factor low. How did the date with Ted Terrific go?”
    â€œTerrific, of course. We did drinks, went to shoot some pool. Did I mention that he has the most beautiful forearms I’ve everseen? Nice and thick and just the way I like ’em. He’s even got a couple of tattoos. And you know how I feel about a man with tattoos.”
    â€œUh-oh. You’re finished.”
    â€œIf I don’t sleep with him, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
    â€œMarry him?”
    â€œWhat’s gotten into you this morning?”
    â€œIt’s my mother. She’s getting married again.”
    I held the phone away from my ear as Jade shrieked with joy. “That is so wonderful! She and Clark are too cute together. Oh, I have to call and congratulate her. I should probably pick up a card at lunch….”
    I should have figured Jade would be my mother’s biggest champion. After all, she’d known my mom since husband 1. “Jade, am I the only person in the world who’s not excited about this?”
    â€œWell, you should be,” she said, censure in her tone. “She’s your mother! Don’t you want her to be happy?”
    â€œHappy, yes. I’m just not too clear on the fact that marriage is the way to get happy. You do realize that this would be Husband 3, almost 4?”
    â€œEm, I think you need to get over that. Not everybody lives a cookie-cutter life. So what if your mother has spent a lot of her life searching? As long as she finds what she wants in the end.”
    â€œI suppose you’re right.” I let out a sigh. “Maybe I’m not looking forward to the Big Day, especially since she’s got the whole family cruising to the Caribbean together for the ceremony. And guess who will be the only guest in the single cabin? Of course, my mother doesn’t know that yet.”
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    â€œI couldn’t bring myself to tell her about Derrick. I don’t know why…I just…couldn’t.”
    â€œYou’re going to have to tell her eventually. When’s the wedding?”
    â€œShe’s hoping to get something together by the end of September.”
    There was a silence, as if Jade was pondering. “That’s not much time, but who knows what could happen before then. You might be in love with someone else. Or you might find yourself a cute waiter on the cruise ship to share that single room with.”
    â€œSomehow I doubt it. But maybe I can dig up someone to take with me.”
    â€œAh, yes. The old Boy Under the Bed.” This was our term for the ever-present male friend who was suitable to take to such events as weddings or office picnics, though for one reason or another not someone you had any sort of desire to truly date. Mine used to be Cal, who’d been a fellow waiter at Good Grub, the restaurant I waitressed at during grad school. Cal was a perfect Boy Under the Bed—a great dancer, tall enough so you didn’t tower over him in heels, and just unattractive enough not to cause any instances of drunken groping on the dance floor that might later prove embarrassing. The problem was, Cal had up and gotten married during the Derrick Years. Men were such bastards.
    â€œI just realized my Boy Under the Bed went AWOL. Cal got married last year, remember?”
    â€œOh, yeah.” She paused, and I heard her inhaling on a cigarette. “What about Sebastian?”
    Sebastian was always a possibility, of course. But he was more a Boy Out of