Confessions of a She-Fan Read Online Free PDF Page B

want to rip the plasma screen off the wall. I start flinging objects everywhere—the TV remote, a copy of Newsweek, a hunk of Gorgonzola from my Cobb salad. The cheese lands in Michael’s beard and nests there.
    â€œWhat’s the matter with you!” he shouts. “You’re being a complete asshole!”
    â€œIt’s the Yankees’ fault.”
    I am being an asshole. But I feel betrayed by these 2007 Yankees. They are pretenders, not contenders. I am spending my days and nights watching these clowns, and for what? So they can keep me from writing my novel, which is how I earn my living? So they can ruin my social life, which I no longer have since I traded dinners out with friends for turkey burgers with the YES Network? So they can create tension in my marriage, which is now on shaky ground because I have been driven to throwing hunks of cheese at my husband?
    I sit quietly, like a good girl, and watch the rest of the game. I am the model of decorum—until the Mets start high-fiving each other.
    â€œThat’s it!” I stand and face Michael, who is skimming through the latest issue of WoodenBoat . If he were a real Yankee fan instead of the Connecticut-born Red Sox fan I suspect him of being, he would be throwing cheese, too.
    â€œWhat’s ‘it’?”
    â€œMy relationship with the Yankees. It’s over. I’m done with their injuries and their excuses and their dysfunctions. I’m divorcing them.”
    This gets his attention. “You don’t mean it. You’ll be back tomorrow.”
    â€œI will not be back. I am suing them for divorce. Mental cruelty.”
    He laughs. “Divorcing a baseball team—that’s funny.”
    I can still hear him snickering as I storm down the hall into my office.
    I plop down at the computer, open the Word program on my MacBook, and begin a new document. I am in a fury, my fingers flying across the keyboard. If smoke really came out of people’s ears when they were fired up, it would be coming out of mine.
    â€œI am no stranger to divorce,” I write. “I thought I was over that particular brand of heartbreak, but now I am divorcing the New York Yankees—all 25 men on the active roster, in addition to the manager, the coaches, and the general manager. Oh, and the trainer, too. And, of course, the owner and all his baseball people. I made a commitment to these guys and they betrayed me.”
    I go on to explain why I am cutting the Yankees loose and how I just might throw my affection to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. When I finish venting, my eyes light on the New York Times sports section on my desk—on a column by Harvey Araton. His e-mail address is right there at the end of the piece. I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me, but what the hell, I think. I like his stuff.Maybe he will like mine. I configure my divorce essay into an e-mail to him and hit “send.” I sit back in my chair and exhale.
    I continue to watch the games but with a definite detachment, as if I am legally separated and just waiting for the paperwork. On Sunday the Yankees salvage the series against the Mets by beating them 6–2. Our latest rookie starter is named Tyler Clippard, and he looks too young to drive a car. He is the beneficiary of homers by A-Rod, Jeter, and Posada, the only three Yankees in the lineup who are hitting.
AL EAST STANDINGS/MAY 20
    TEAM
W
L
PCT
GB
BOSTON
30
13
.698
—
BALTIMORE
20
24
.455
10.5
NEW YORK
19
23
.452
10.5
TORONTO
19
24
.442
11.0
TAMPA BAY
18
25
.419
12.0

Week 8 May 21, 2007
    No, there isn’t extra pressure playing the Red Sox. Pressure is what those kids overseas feel when they’ve got bombs whizzing over their heads. Baseball is a game. There’s a lot riding on these games, but that’s not pressure. If you can’t handle 55,000 people screaming at you, come on. The fans and the media hype up this rivalry a heck of a lot more than the