Complete Works, Volume III Read Online Free PDF

we had a party or something like that. Some kind of celebration . . . you know.
    Pause.
    You must be connected with my brother in some way. The one who's been abroad.
    RUTH . I'm his wife.
    LENNY . Eh listen, I wonder if you can advise me. I've been having a bit of a rough time with this clock. The tick's been keeping me up. The trouble is I'm not all that convinced it was the clock. I mean there are lots of things which tick in the night, don't you find that? All sorts of objects, which, in the day, you wouldn't call anything else but commonplace. They give you no trouble. But in the night any given one of a number of them is liable to start letting out a bit of a tick. Whereas you look at these objects in the day and they're just commonplace. They're as quiet as mice during the daytime. So . . . all things being equal . . . this question of me saying it was the clock that woke me up, well, that could very easily prove something of a false hypothesis.
    He goes to the sideboard, pours from a jug into a glass, takes the glass to RUTH.
    Here you are. I bet you could do with this.
    RUTH . What is it?
    LENNY. Water.
    She takes it, sips, places the glass on a small table by her chair.
    LENNY watches her.
    Isn't it funny? I've got my pyjamas on and you're fully dressed.
    He goes to the sideboard and pours another glass of water.
    Mind if I have one? Yes, it's funny seeing my old brother again after all these years. It's just the sort of tonic my Dad needs, you know. He'll be chuffed to his bollocks in the morning, when he sees his eldest son. I was surprised myself when I saw Teddy, you know. Old Ted. I thought he was in America.
    RUTH . We're on a visit to Europe.
    LENNY . What, both of you?
    RUTH. Yes.
    LENNY . What, you sort of live with him over there, do you?
    RUTH. We're married.
    LENNY . On a visit to Europe, eh? Seen much of it?
    RUTH . We've just come from Italy.
    LENNY . Oh, you went to Italy first, did you? And then he brought you over here to meet the family, did he? Well, the old man'll be pleased to see you, I can tell you.
    RUTH . Good.
    LENNY . What did you say?
    RUTH . Good.
    Pause.
    LENNY . Where'd you go to in Italy?
    RUTH. Venice.
    LENNY . Not dear old Venice? Eh? That's funny. You know, I've always had a feeling that if I'd been a soldier in the last war – say in the Italian campaign – I'd probably have found myself in Venice. I've always had that feeling. The trouble was I was too young to serve, you see. I was only a child, I was too small, otherwise I've got a pretty shrewd idea I'd probably have gone through Venice. Yes, I'd almost certainly have gone through it with my battalion. Do you mind if I hold your hand?
    RUTH . Why?
    LENNY . Just a touch.
    He stands and goes to her.
    Just a tickle.
    RUTH . Why?
    He looks down at her.
    LENNY . I'll tell you why.
    Slight pause.
    One night, not too long ago, one night down by the docks, I was standing alone under an arch, watching all the men jibbing the boom, out in the harbour, and playing about with a yardarm, when a certain lady came up to me and made me a certain proposal. This lady had been searching for me for days. She'd lost tracks of my whereabouts. However, the fact was she eventually caught up with me, and when she caught up with me she made me this certain proposal. Well, this proposal wasn't entirely out of order and normally I would have subscribed to it. I mean I would have subscribed to it in the normal course of events. The only trouble was she was falling apart with the pox. So I turned it down. Well, this lady was very insistent and started taking liberties with me down under this arch, liberties which by any criterion I couldn't be expected to tolerate, the facts being what they were, so I clumped her one. It was on my mind at the time to do away with her, you know, to kill her, and the fact is, that as killings go, it would have been a simple matter, nothing to it. Her chauffeur, who had located me for her, he'd popped round the corner to