Commitment Read Online Free PDF Page B

looked at the ceiling as if to implore an answer to an unspoken question. Cassidy closed her eyes and let out a sigh before she continued. “Come on. He’ll be bouncing into our bed in the morning.” Alex nodded and followed her wife across the hall. She shut the door behind her and immediately collapsed onto the bed. Cassidy stood at the end of the bed and began removing Alex’s shoes. “Alex, I’m worried about you.”
    “I’m okay, Cass. Really. It’s you I’m worried about.”
    “Me?” Cassidy asked in confusion.
    “Yeah, you,” Alex answered.
    “Why?”
    “What do you mean; why?” Alex asked. “All this chaos with O’Brien, and then…well, you know…the whole thing with the baby…and…”
    “Alex,” Cassidy said gently as she climbed onto the bed. “I am all right, honestly.”
    Alex let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Jesus. I wasn’t even with you the second time… I mean…”
    Cassidy bit her bottom lip gently. She sensed the conversation was about to move into a territory neither had honestly explored. “You couldn’t help that,” she said.
    “Why doesn’t that make me feel any better? Cassidy, you are dealing with everything alone. Bad enough that I’m not there to handle that jackass O’Br….”
    “Alex,” Cassidy called to her wife in a comforting whisper.
    “No, seriously. I’m not even there when you go to…I mean when we’re trying to have a baby? God,” Alex said exasperatedly. Her voice dropped. “I felt so horrible…worse that I was relieved when you weren’t…”
    Cassidy tilted her head in surprise. “You were relieved I wasn’t pregnant?”
    Alex put her face in her hands. “I didn’t mean….no….but, well, yes…I mean...I know I’m not…but I’d still like to be therewhen…you know.” Cassidy’s smile grew as her eyebrow raised in amusement. Alex looked at her wife curiously. “What?” Alex asked. “I’m rambling.”
    Cassidy kissed the agent’s cheek. “I thought you were disappointed. I was worried that I, well…that you…”
    “Never, Cass.”
    “Hmm. Quite the pair, aren’t we?” Cassidy mused.
    “Sometimes, I guess we are.”
    “Alex, I want you there. Of course, I do. I swear, I am all right. It takes time sometimes. I just, well if it doesn’t…”
    “It will happen when it’s meant to,” Alex said with a reassuring smile. Cassidy grinned. “What?” Alex asked.
    “Nothing.”
    “Cassidy? Come on; what?” Alex urged.
    “You’re going to be mad.”
    “At you?” Alex asked. “I doubt that.”
    Cassidy let out a heavy sigh. “That’s what your mother said when I talked to her earlier.”
    “You told my mom about us trying to have a baby?” Alex asked. Cassidy nodded sadly. “You told
my
mom and not
your
mom?” Cassidy looked at Alex sheepishly. Alex laughed.
    “You’re not mad?” Cassidy asked.
    “Mad? No.”
    “But, Alex…we agreed. I know you wanted this to be a….”
    “Cass, you needed someone to talk to. I surely didn’t make myself the best candidate for that; did I?
    “Alex….”
    “No. It’s true. I haven’t been there like I should.”
    Cassidy kissed the agent gently. “You are always there for me. Even if you are in another state or another country. I know that.”
    “It’s not the same.”
    “No, it’s not,” Cassidy admitted.
    “Cass, things at work…there are some things…I just…”
    “Alex, I know. Not specifically, but I know you. There is something I want to ask you.”
    “What is it?” Alex asked.
    “Would you….if this month….if it’s not…What would you think if we waited to try again until after the holidays?” Cassidy suggested in a whisper.
    “You want to stop trying?” Alex asked for clarification.
    “No,” Cassidy said emphatically. “I just…I think if we start again after the holidays and the custody is settled….It’s just with you away so much and…”
    Alex kissed her wife. “I think that’s a perfect idea.” Tears had begun to stream