Coast (Kick Push Book 2) (The Road 3) Read Online Free PDF Page B

words I’ve begun to type.
    You do realize that I’m not here because of Josh, right? I don’t know why everything always comes back to him. He was just a boy.
    “Becca, look at me,” she says, her voice soft.
    I wipe at my eyes, not wanting her to see the tears. I hate when she does this—when she talks about Josh like he’s poison in my veins.
    “Don’t deny yourself the feelings you had for him. All of them. The good and the bad. Because we both know he wasn’t just a boy. He was a boy who at one stage loved you beyond your unspoken words. You deserve to feel that love. And denying that means you’re denying you ever felt worthy of that love. I know you’re here because of the hell your mother put you through, but your mother’s dead, Becca, and nothing we say or do will change that. Josh, on the other hand… he alone has the power to change everything . So I’ll ask you again. Do you want him to be there?”
    I stare at her. Right into her eyes, and I try to find a reason to fight her because fighting would be so much easier than hurting. But there’s nothing there. Nothing but sincere concern. So I let the anger fade and welcome the truth that keeps me hostage.
    Yes. I want him to be there.
    *     *     *
    “Good session?” Aaron asks, leaning against Dad’s car.
    I sign, “Same old.”
    He smiles as he opens his arms for me. I step into his embrace, but I don’t return it. “I’m really excited to meet your grams,” he says, his mouth so close to my ear, his voice grates on my eardrums. “You ready to go? Your dad and I packed your bags in the trunk when I dropped off my car at your house.”
    I pull back and nod up at him.
    “Good,” he says, unconvinced. Then he kisses me, again and again, and I let him. For the same reasons I let every other boy besides Josh Warden kiss me. Because he makes me feel safe , and at the same time, he makes me feel nothing.

5
    —Joshua—
    A fter dropping Tommy off at my uncle Robby’s, I drive to my house, my excitement building. As soon as I step out of my car, I run up the porch steps and knock harshly on her door. She takes a while to answer, but when she does, I wrap her in my arms and lift her in the air. “I missed you so much!”
    She giggles into my chest and squeals when I spin her around before setting her back on the ground. But I don’t let her go yet. She feels too much like home .
    “Joshua!” She pushes my chest and rears back, her dark, wrinkled eyes squinting against the sun behind me. “I love you and everything and I’m glad you’re home, but boy, you need a shower,” Chazarae says.
    I laugh, my head throwing back with the force of it. “I know. I’ve been in car after car, plane after plane, and I just couldn’t wait to see you!”
    She rolls her eyes. “Of all the women you see in your travels, you can’t wait to come home to me?”
    “You’ll always be my number one girl,” I joke, and her eyes roll higher.
    I clap and rub my hands together. “So tomorrow. The big 6-5!”
    “Oh, Joshua, I hope you didn’t come home just for my birthday.”
    I lean against the porch rail and cross my arms, inconspicuously smelling my armpits. She’s right. I need a fucking shower. And a shave. And maybe five days’ worth of sleep. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” I tell her truthfully. The past year of my life has changed beyond what I’d ever imagined. I barely see my friends, my family, besides my mom—who has a hard time switching from mom to manager. But it keeps her busy and takes her mind off Dad’s passing, so I let the moments of confusion slide. The one constant through it all has been Chazarae. Regardless of where I was and what I was doing, I’d always come home to her. And through it all, she hasn’t changed the way she treats me. She’ll always be my savior, and I’ll always be the kid who needed saving.
    “You’re a good boy, sweetheart,” she says, her smile soft. Then her gaze shifts