Clubbed to Death Read Online Free PDF Page B

‘I hadn’t realised she was coming to dinner.’
    ‘Well, she’s not so much coming to dinner,’ said Amiss, ‘as coming to stay. They don’t let servants keep pets in the club.’
    ‘You’re expecting me to give house-room to that?’ expostulated Pooley.
    ‘Let’s have a drink and discuss this like gentlemen,’ said Milton hastily.
    ‘Sorry to have given you such an unpleasant shock,’ said Amiss, when the three of them had settled down with their gin and tonics. ‘Unfortunately, when I got back to my flat to pack my effects I found the obliging neighbour was away and there was no time to corral someone else into taking over; you were the obvious choice.’
    ‘But for Pete’s sake, Robert, how can I keep a monster like that? Damn it all, this flat isn’t like yours. It’s full of breakable objects.’
    ‘Search me,’ said Amiss genially. ‘You must work it out between you. My conscience is clear. Not only do I need a cat-sitter wholly and absolutely because of you, but I wouldn’t even have the bloody cat if you hadn’t involved me in that last hideous intrigue.[*See The School of English Murder ] I don’t mind whether you put her up yourself, send her to an hotel, or stick her in a zoo for the duration, just as long as she’s properly fed and watered. I feel an obscure sense of duty towards Plutarch, though I can’t pretend a deep affection yet: her appetites are gross and her manners coarse.’
    ‘You seem a little sharp, Robert,’ said Milton. ‘Have you had a hard day at the club?’
    ‘More demeaning than hard,’ said Amiss. ‘I know you chaps are used to dressing up in silly clothes, but nobody ever attracts your attention with a “hey you”. Or not without getting a swift blow with a truncheon.’
    ‘Character-forming,’ said Milton.
    ‘I don’t know why I’m lettingyou two dictate the pace at which my character is being formed, ’ said Amiss sourly. ‘You always seem to be putting me in circumstances which do no good for either my bank balance or my career.’
    ‘But for heaven’s sake, Robert,’ said Pooley, ‘you don’t have a career. If you were still in the Civil Service I wouldn’t be trying to yank you out of it to do undercover work. I’m just providing you with challenges while you’ve nothing worthwhile to do.’
    ‘Well, you can provide me with some more gin,’ said Amiss. ‘And I hope the food’s good. They feed club servants on pig-swill.’
    The food was very good: the wine was even better. Amiss was mellow. ‘Well, I’ll give you this, ’he remarked, ‘the coppers’ charity for the care and feeding of informers has been most generous on this occasion. Long may it continue.’ He waved his glass and drank a toast.
    Pooley was getting restless, his humour not improved by his searing experiences of Plutarch’s behaviour. Not only had she hurled herself against the door of the dining-room until admitted, but she had set up such howling demands that, failing any other suitable food, she had had to be placated with substantial amounts of smoked salmon and blanquette de veau . That was bad enough in Pooley’s view, for he had firm aristocratic views on the foolishness of cosseting domestic animals, but Plutarch had then taken a fancy to him and was now stretched across his knees, purring vigorously. He stroked her reluctantly and grimaced.
    ‘She’s shedding, Robert,’ he said.
    ‘Indeed she is, Ellis,’ said Amiss. ‘You’d better give her a wash-and-brush-up in the morning. I’m sure she’ll enjoy that.’
    ‘Now look here, Robert. We’ve really got to get down to brass tacks. It’s nine-thirty and your narrative has only got as far as your arrival at the servants’ lunch. We’ve got some strategic decisions to take.’
    Milton intervened hastily before Amiss could explode. ‘Now, Ellis, ’ he said soothingly, ‘we are dealing with a volunteer here you know, not a conscript, so we should let him play it at his pace and in his