Close to Her Heart Read Online Free PDF Page B

not what I’m trying to say. I didn’t want you to see me naked.”
    “But—why? Your body is beautiful, Danielle. You know how much I love it. How much I need it.”
    Why was it so hard to tell him? Maybe she should have done it over the phone. Not to mention sooner.
    “I’m pregnant, Adrian.”
    She watched his face go completely still. It was like the switch to his personality had been powered off. She understood. He was pulling into himself. Processing her words.
    Slowly he withdrew his hand, bringing it up as if to ward off a blow.
    “But—” He fell silent again. “The night of the Christmas party. When we found that back room—?”
    “Yes.” She’d worn a strapless red dress to their faculty Christmas dinner. The dinner had been organized in a restaurant that catered to small business gatherings. Their party had run late, and she and Adrian were the last to go. He’d been expected home—his nanny wanted to spend the night at her sister’s, because they were catching a plane together early the next morning. So he’d found a little room, pulled her inside and closed the door.
    “You’ve been driving me crazy all night long. Where did you get this dress? Oh, my God, you look so beautiful.”
    She remembered the heat of his mouth on her neck, shoulders, back. She’d gone to the bathroom earlier, removed her panties. When his hands travelled up her legs and found her nakedness, he’d groaned in her ear.
    “You are so wicked, Danielle. And I love it.”
    He’d hitched up her dress, unzipped his pants and taken her there, with her back pressed against the wooden door.
    The one and only time they’d taken no precautions.
    She’d expected him to pull out in time, but he hadn’t. “I’m sorry,” he’d whispered. “That just felt too good.”
    Well, how was it feeling now? she wondered. He still hadn’t said a word to her.
    “That was—four months ago,” he finally said.
    “Yes. I’m sixteen weeks along.”
    He brushed a hand through his hair, a familiar gesture when he was confused. “You haven’t said a word.”
    “I was—” She ran her finger around the rim of her wineglass. “I think I was sort of in denial.”
    “Being pregnant isn’t the sort of problem that gets smaller with time, Danielle.”
    Problem. “I know.”
    “Have you—do you know how you want to deal with this?”
    He looked anxious. A fine sheen of moisture had popped out on his brow and upper lip.
    He began fiddling with the white linen napkin, folding it first one way, then the other. His gaze had dropped to the table, too. No matter how hard she stared at him, willing him to raise his head, she couldn’t get him to look at her.
    “Obviously, an abortion would erase the entire problem for you,” she said.
    For just a second, his eyes flashed up and she saw the hope in them.
    “But it’s not that easy for me,” she added.
    “Danielle, you’re an academic. One of the brightest people I know. So far you’ve made very smart decisions in your life. You’re only thirty-five and already you’ve earned a reputation with your research. In five years, you’ll be eligible for tenure.”
    Actually, she was thirty-four, she wanted to say. But she was too focused on the way he’d said, your life. Not our life.
    “Having a baby wouldn’t stop me from going back to work, continuing my research. It wouldn’t disqualify me for tenure.”
    “No.” He was quiet for a while, waving away the waiter when he tried to approach for a food order, sipping down half a glass of wine. His gaze went to the untouched glass on her side of the table. “Are we having a discussion here? Or have you already made up your mind?”
    She felt as if he was underscoring a line he’d already drawn between them with words like “problem” and “your life.” And it hurt. She’d finally come to him with this, hoping to share some of the burden. But he was handing it right back to her.
    “As you’re the father, of course I care what