Climbing the Stairs Read Online Free PDF

very lively.
    In the interval this man that was playing came over to us and said, ‘You’re English, aren’t you?’
    Of course we lapped this up. It gave us a feeling of prestige. So we ordered him a drink and he joined us.
    He said, ‘You know I can tell almost anybody’s nationality now. I’ve been playing in this beer garden for the last twenty years.’
    So I asked, ‘How is it you speak English so well?’
    And he said, ‘Oh, I was a prisoner of war in England.’
    This was in the 1914–18 War.
    He chatted with us a bit. When he left I said to Albert, ‘What a charming man.’
    ‘Yes, charming thirst, too,’ said Albert. ‘Do you know he ordered four beers while he was sitting here and all on us.’
    We were certainly paying for our experiences. Still I expect he felt we owed him something, he having been a prisoner of war.
    Eventually we went back and joined the coach. Then we drove to Cologne. By the time we got there, with what I’d drunk in the beer garden I was only thinking of one thing and that was the
loo.
    There we were in Cologne. There was that lovely cathedral and there was the ladies’ lavatory not far from it. And there were dozens of coaches – all queuing for the loo. It took me
twenty minutes to get in and out and we were only allowed half an hour in the city. Talk about see Naples and die. I tore into the cathedral, looked at some gold plate and tore out again. That was
Cologne for me apart from the loo.
    Then we came to the Rhine. Well, the brochure had said a trip down the Rhine. We just went across in the ferry. That was our trip down the Rhine. As we went across we could see one or two
castles – but what a swindle.
    A mortifying thing about going in and out of these various countries was that the customs men come in and collect your passport. Yon know what passport photos are like – mine was
absolutely hideous. It made me look an ugly ninety. Yet they look at it, look at you and then hand it back, so you’re forced to the conclusion that it really looks like you. Very
mortifying.
    Anyway we got back about ten o’clock, had a hot meal which was good and Albert and I went out on the town again.
    The next day was another one of these coach trips. You’ve got to be in the very best of health when you go on a holiday like ours because they’re absolute endurance tests. We went to
Luxembourg which they had said was a charming little country. I admit it was very pretty. I enjoyed it there until the courier had the idea of taking us down into a grotto.
    I don’t know if you’ve ever been in one of these underground grottoes – shocking things they are. You go down to the bowels of the earth on an iron spiral staircase and the
last bit of it is slippery and slimy. I fell the last four steps into the mud at the bottom. It’s dark down there and there’s an underground river. You get taken in a boat on this river
but you can’t see a thing. And I was worried about my clothes, wondering how muddy I was, which I couldn’t see down there. I think grottoes are very much over-rated things and it stank
to high heaven. Well, you can imagine it, can’t you? I mean it’s been there since time immemorial. Everybody says ‘Oo’ and ‘Ah’ – I’ve never seen
anything so daft. I mean you might as well put the light out and sit in your own room. At least you could sit in comfort, couldn’t you?
    The next day we went into Belgium which wasn’t interesting at all because they took us to Brussels, and I didn’t think much of Brussels. It seemed such a dirty town to me. Apart from
that there was nothing special about it at all.
    Then we had one day at leisure in Walkenberg – getting our strength up as it were for the trip to Paris. This we were both looking forward to. The very name Paris conjures up images and
does things for you.
    The hotel we stayed in there was a good one. Mind you there was trouble from some of the party who didn’t like being on the top floor. I