early to take it off so your parents
don’t find out. Absolutely shameful.”
“I cannot believe that you went to such lengths to check in on me. A letter would have sufficed,” Madeleine said huffily to
Mrs. Wellington.
“Am I to suppose that you would have given me an honest assessment? I don’t think so.”
“Oh, I tried, Mrs. Wellington! But there was an outbreak of mutant palmetto bugs in the United Kingdom, something to do with
global warming…”
“Don’t wait for retirement to save the environment,”
Theo proudly announced.
“They’ve been bombarding me with images on the telly. I couldn’t take the chance of a mutant tiptoeing across my face at night
with all my senses drowned in REM waves. The bugs could have laid eggs in my hair, my eyebrows—why, even on my eyelashes.
I simply couldn’t allow that to happen…” Madeleine trailed off before lowering her head in disgrace.
“Then there’s… the surfer,” Mrs. Wellington said, suspiciously eyeing Garrison.
“Yup, that’s right. I’m a surfer. I love the water,” Garrison offered in a cracking voice.
“Well, you do have the wet suit,” Mrs. Wellington said while clicking a slide. “And the tan, and the—”
“Sorry to interrupt, but I have to say it. I think Garrison is too tanned. He clearly needs a refresher in the dangers of
the sun,” Theo said knowingly. “He’ll be a raisin before he’s thirty if he keeps this up. And friends don’t let friends grow
up to be raisins.”
“As I was saying, Garrison,” Mrs. Wellington continued, without any regard for Theo’s comments, “you may have the tan and
the board, but an actual surfer? No.However, I give you credit—it certainly took a great deal of work to wake up, walk down to the beach, get all sandy, wet your
hair in the public bathroom, then head to school.”
“The public bathroom at the beach?” Theo murmured to himself in disgust. Just thinking about it made him want to take a bath
in Purell.
“The currents are like arms pulling me in different directions. I only just learned to doggy-paddle in a pool. And all these
storms make the water even choppier. Then there’s tsunamis, and hurricanes, and floods—it’s just too much! You can’t tell
anyone, please! It’s my whole thing, Garrison the surfer. My dad’s even stopped making fun of me…. I can’t go back to that.”
“You can’t build a house on a rocky foundation,” Theo said, shaking his head judgmentally at Garrison.
“Oh, what now—you’re a construction worker?” Garrison mouthed off.
“Honestly, Theo, I have never seen you take such delight in others’ misery. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” Madeleine
stated emphatically.
Theo blanched, placing his left hand dramatically across his chest, clearly wounded by Madeleine’s comments.
“And then there was Chubby.”
“No need to waste your time on me. I’ve been a dream. Sure, there’s the odd occasion I worry about something, but it’s never
anything irrational. Just everyday stuff like returning my library books on time, because let me tell you, that nickel a day
can really add up.”
“Chubby, I’m not even going to get into the horrible disguises you wore to spy on your family members or the reports you submitted
to your parents on your siblings’ outings.”
“You can’t tell them! They’ll kill me! I only just convinced them the doorman was behind it. Sure, they’ve been pelting him
with pickled eggs from the Korean deli, but he’s a strong guy. He can take it.”
“Not to worry, Chubby. I am far more interested in discussing your personal deforestation plan.”
“Some environmentalist,” Lulu scoffed.
“Um, Lulu, have you not heard my slogans? I am all about the environment,” Theo said before turning toward Mrs. Wellington.
“That whole tree thing was a simple misunderstanding. I thought the newscaster said
pine
flu. I mean who calls pigs
swine?
Why not call
don’t find out. Absolutely shameful.”
“I cannot believe that you went to such lengths to check in on me. A letter would have sufficed,” Madeleine said huffily to
Mrs. Wellington.
“Am I to suppose that you would have given me an honest assessment? I don’t think so.”
“Oh, I tried, Mrs. Wellington! But there was an outbreak of mutant palmetto bugs in the United Kingdom, something to do with
global warming…”
“Don’t wait for retirement to save the environment,”
Theo proudly announced.
“They’ve been bombarding me with images on the telly. I couldn’t take the chance of a mutant tiptoeing across my face at night
with all my senses drowned in REM waves. The bugs could have laid eggs in my hair, my eyebrows—why, even on my eyelashes.
I simply couldn’t allow that to happen…” Madeleine trailed off before lowering her head in disgrace.
“Then there’s… the surfer,” Mrs. Wellington said, suspiciously eyeing Garrison.
“Yup, that’s right. I’m a surfer. I love the water,” Garrison offered in a cracking voice.
“Well, you do have the wet suit,” Mrs. Wellington said while clicking a slide. “And the tan, and the—”
“Sorry to interrupt, but I have to say it. I think Garrison is too tanned. He clearly needs a refresher in the dangers of
the sun,” Theo said knowingly. “He’ll be a raisin before he’s thirty if he keeps this up. And friends don’t let friends grow
up to be raisins.”
“As I was saying, Garrison,” Mrs. Wellington continued, without any regard for Theo’s comments, “you may have the tan and
the board, but an actual surfer? No.However, I give you credit—it certainly took a great deal of work to wake up, walk down to the beach, get all sandy, wet your
hair in the public bathroom, then head to school.”
“The public bathroom at the beach?” Theo murmured to himself in disgust. Just thinking about it made him want to take a bath
in Purell.
“The currents are like arms pulling me in different directions. I only just learned to doggy-paddle in a pool. And all these
storms make the water even choppier. Then there’s tsunamis, and hurricanes, and floods—it’s just too much! You can’t tell
anyone, please! It’s my whole thing, Garrison the surfer. My dad’s even stopped making fun of me…. I can’t go back to that.”
“You can’t build a house on a rocky foundation,” Theo said, shaking his head judgmentally at Garrison.
“Oh, what now—you’re a construction worker?” Garrison mouthed off.
“Honestly, Theo, I have never seen you take such delight in others’ misery. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” Madeleine
stated emphatically.
Theo blanched, placing his left hand dramatically across his chest, clearly wounded by Madeleine’s comments.
“And then there was Chubby.”
“No need to waste your time on me. I’ve been a dream. Sure, there’s the odd occasion I worry about something, but it’s never
anything irrational. Just everyday stuff like returning my library books on time, because let me tell you, that nickel a day
can really add up.”
“Chubby, I’m not even going to get into the horrible disguises you wore to spy on your family members or the reports you submitted
to your parents on your siblings’ outings.”
“You can’t tell them! They’ll kill me! I only just convinced them the doorman was behind it. Sure, they’ve been pelting him
with pickled eggs from the Korean deli, but he’s a strong guy. He can take it.”
“Not to worry, Chubby. I am far more interested in discussing your personal deforestation plan.”
“Some environmentalist,” Lulu scoffed.
“Um, Lulu, have you not heard my slogans? I am all about the environment,” Theo said before turning toward Mrs. Wellington.
“That whole tree thing was a simple misunderstanding. I thought the newscaster said
pine
flu. I mean who calls pigs
swine?
Why not call
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