since she happened to live nearby, after a while she convinced me to meet her in person. Things between us disintegrated from there, and after that disaster, I went back to online only.”
“But things were different with Sophie?”
“Yes, from the beginning I loved how different she was from the other women I’d dominated. So sweet and innocent. The others had always come with a worldliness that comforted me. I never felt I was doing anything wrong with those women. They’d been around the block, you know?
“Sophie had been a breath of fresh air. A bright Easter lily peeking up through the snow, daring me to trample her with my boot. And I did. God forgive me, I did. I used her, defiled her, shamed her in every way I could think of. Yet she always came back to me that same fresh bloom with an open and giving heart. “
“Eventually you met with her in person too. Why did you agree to that?”
“Lust. Selfishness.”
I’d never told Sophie this, but it was then, the first time I laid eyes upon her, that I became hers forever.
The image of her sitting at the table waiting so patiently for me is burned indelibly into my soul. The memory haunts me—anticipation lining her pretty face, her dark hair tumbling down her back. Those luscious red lips of hers pursed into a nervous pout. Fidgeting with those long fingers, smoothing her skirt while her eyes darted around the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of me.
“But there were numerous women you were attracted to. Why do you think you have a unique response to her?”
“She was good. You know? She represented not only the good in the world, but the good in me. If I was dark, she was light. I wanted to believe she could save me from myself. But instead, I destroyed her.”
I could tell Dr. Beckett was going to challenge that statement, but I didn’t want to hear her bullshit so I plowed ahead. “As time went on I grew afraid that my darkness would one day completely eclipse the light in her, so I tried to dilute my influence with a ruse that now seems asinine at best, cruel at worst.”
“The one where you pretended to be another Dom?”
I nodded.
“I’d like to talk more about that next session if that’s all right.”
I shrugged.
That was in the past. When it had only been Sophie and myself, I was prepared to accept the dissolution of our relationship. After all, I’d been the reason for it.
Free of my dark influence, I envisioned Sophie returning to the happy, joyful life I wanted her to live.
But now that she was carrying my child, I had to find a way to let her light shine on me again.
I’d have to find a way to bury my dark side, because getting her back was my only option.
6
Quentin
T hat night I dreamed . Fitful dreams.
Dreams of Sam.
His voice called to me from the end of a long hallway. Following the sound of his voice, I tried to find him.
“Daddy,” the voice called, but each time I got close enough that I should have found him, the voice moved farther away. The hallway kept growing. Each time I sensed the end was in sight, I would reach it, but it would continue on.
A never-ending house of horror. The horror being that I could never reach my son. My boy who cried for me, who needed me, but whom I could never save no matter how many times I tried.
I woke up in a cold sweat, and as I lay there trying to get my breathing to return to normal, I realized that for the first time, it wasn’t Sam who had been calling to me from the end of the hall.
It was the child Sophie was carrying.
* * *
T he next morning I got out of bed with the firm resolution to begin Operation Get Sophie Back.
We had problems, yes, but couples had problems. And when you had a child together, you had to work through those challenges or push them aside. As parents-to-be, Sophie and I would need to put our differences aside for the good of the baby. Or at least learn to live with them.
I was committed to it, but I wasn’t sure how she would feel.
To