city of dragons 03 - fire magic Read Online Free PDF

I feel like a weight has been lifted. It’s so amazing that I can hardly believe it’s true.”
    “I see,” she said, her face expressionless.
    “Should I be feeling something different?”
    “Do you think you should?”
    “Well, I guess you’re supposed to be sad when someone dies, but Alastair was a waste of space as far as I’m concerned. I’m not going to miss him. He terrorized me.”
    She only nodded.
    I furrowed my brow. “I’m sorry that I feel that way.”
    “You feel guilt about Alastair?”
    “Well… not really, but I guess I sort of should, maybe.”
    She surveyed me, waiting.
    “But the truth is, no, I don’t. I only feel grateful to whoever killed him. I hate slayers on principle, but this one really did me a favor.”
    “So, that’s what you think happened, then? A slayer killed him?”
    “I haven’t thought about it,” I said. “But he was killed by an arrow, right? So that makes sense.”
    She waited some more.
    “Why are you asking me about this?” I said.
    “You’d rather talk about something else?”
    “Well, last time, you said that I wasn’t free of all the things that I said don’t bother me. I got the distinct impression that you wanted me to face my fears or something like that. I don’t even know how one faces one’s fears, but whatever. The thing is, I’m ready. I want to work through all of this and put it behind me.”
    I was terrified of losing this baby, and it was holding me back. I had threats now—actual threats from weird magical orders—and I needed to be able to put the specter of Alastair and abuse behind me. I needed to move forward. If that included facing my fears, I was ready to try.
    She looked surprised. “Well, that’s a very positive step. You seemed a bit resistant last session.”
    “Well, things have changed.”
    “Because of Alastair’s body being found?”
    “Sure, I guess,” I said. That was as good an excuse as any, I supposed. “So, how do we do it?”
    “Well, it’s not exactly something we can do in an afternoon.”
    “It’s not?”
    “It’s a bit of a process,” she said. “It will involve your doing work on your own, away from me.”
    “Like what?” I said. Work? What did she mean?
    “I mean that you’ll have to change the way you think. You typically shove aside the things that bother you, refusing to confront them. You probably have a whole set of defense mechanisms built into the way you think. You’ll have to dismantle them and truly feel your emotions. Only then will they stop having power over you.”
    I chewed on my lip. This really wasn’t helping.
    “Are you sure you don’t want to talk some more about Alastair’s death?”
    “Why do you keep bringing that up?” I said. “It’s over. It’s done with.”
    “This,” said Shirley, “is another classic example of the way that you push things aside without dealing with them at all.”
    * * *
    “Penny,” said my doctor over the phone, “I understand you have some concerns. Is everything going okay? You don’t have any spotting or pain or anything?”
    “No, nothing like that,” I said. “I just… I haven’t been honest with you about my medical history regarding the miscarriages.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I may have left out the fact that during each of my previous pregnancies, I was in an abusive relationship, and that I was shifting into dragon form frequently to heal. Is it possible that had any effect on my ability to carry to term?”
    “Oh, very possible,” said the doctor.
    “But dragons have miscarriages a lot.”
    “They do,” said the doctor, “but not late term miscarriages such as yours. Most dragon miscarriages happen in the first trimester.”
    “Oh,” I said. I hadn’t known that. That was true for humans too, although dragons were much more likely to lose pregnancies than humans.
    “Actually, it makes a good bit more sense to me now, your history,” said the doctor. “I was looking through your files, and I