Choices(Waiting for Forever BK 1) Read Online Free PDF Page B

lead? Could I live that kind of lie?
    Richard’s office wasn’t the opulent space you would expect a doctor to have in his home. He wasn’t pretentious like that, but it was clean, comfortable, and functional. I looked around at the simply decorated office, with its farmland prints and fake silk flowers, and decided this was better. It was more inviting than the magazine-layout-like offices most doctors would have. Richard had never discouraged me from coming into his office, but he’d never exactly encouraged it either, so I felt nervous just being in there. However, it wasn’t the kind of research I would be able to do in the school library. I was sure the school’s computers had something that tracked where we went on the Internet, and I couldn’t guarantee I would ever be alone to search.
    Richard, on the other hand, would never have to know.
    My palms were sweaty when I sat down in his worn leather chair, jumping slightly when I bumped the desk with my knee and the computer’s desktop appeared. I grabbed the mouse and moved it around the desktop, looking for the Internet browser. I wasn’t a computer whiz, but I was hoping a quick Internet search would give me what I needed. Maybe other people had the same questions Jamie and I had. Better yet, maybe someone had answers to those questions.
    After peeking out the window to make sure Carolyn’s car wasn’t in the drive, I brought up the Internet browser. I felt like a criminal as I clicked in the address bar, looked over my shoulder, and typed in the address for a search engine. But what to search for? What did the preacher hate the most? I typed in “gay men” and hit enter. The screen nearly exploded with responses—over fifty-two million of them. I clicked on the first one, absently checking over my shoulder again. I knew there was no one there, but my guilty conscience made me feel like someone was watching. When I turned back to the screen, I couldn’t find the close button fast enough. From every corner of the screen, naked boys and naked men smiled at me from various positions and assorted stages of sex. I clicked the minimize button, paranoid that it could be seen from the second-story window.
    I opened another window and went back to the search engine to try something else. That time I typed in “+gay +God,” and got considerably fewer results. Well, thirty-eight million was considerably fewer, but it was still a large number. I scrolled through the results this time and found a whole lot of information. From the kid whose parents sent him to a homosexual rehabilitation center in California and no one ever heard from him again, to the hellfire and damnation I expected, to the fight against allowing gay people to get married. It wasn’t until the third page that I found a site asking why God made people gay. Intrigued, I clicked on it. It was a letter a pastor had written to one of his congregants about the boy being gay. At first, the reverend believed the boy would indeed go to hell, but after he researched the matter using his Bible and other religious and secular resources, he came to a much different conclusion.
    He felt that how people understand the Bible stemmed from their background. For example, if your father believed homosexuality was wrong and taught that to you your entire life, you would interpret the Bible in a similar way, because it was what was taught to you. To me, this meant ten different people could read those same passages that Preacher Moore had and come up with ten different meanings from them. Some would agree with how he understood it, and some wouldn’t. The site went on to talk about how this man of God interpreted the Bible on the topic of homosexuality. The story of creation, the story of Sodom, and even the same passages from Romans Pastor Moore had used took on a whole different meaning for him.
    So, another religious source believed we weren’t going to hell. That gave me hope. If scholars and religious men