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her mother and their silence continued. Paxton began fidgeting. Her leg wouldn’t stay still. She looked around the room. She hadn’t felt like this since the day Dr. Keeler told her about Jack’s accident. She wasn’t sure if this was a sign or not. She began to think maybe they should have driven separately.
     
    “Paxton, Jenny?” Dr. Keeler’s voice rang from behind the door she opened.
     
    They both quickly got up and headed towards the door.
     
    “Hello Dr. Keeler,” Jenny greeted as she stepped into the office.
     
    Paxton smiled and followed her mother. They both sat down on the couch and Dr. Keeler went to her favorite chair where set her coffee and pad of paper down on the table next to it.
     
    “How are you two today?”
     
    “We’re good,” Jenny answered.
     
    “Great. So today I wanted to do something a little more difficult. Over our last few sessions, we have been talking about before Ella. Today, I would like to discuss the day Ella died. This is where the strain in your relationship takes place. This is what fractured it and then eventually broke it.”
     
    Paxton saw out of the corner of her eye, her mother freeze and stiffen. Paxton did not want to talk about this. She sat back and crossed her arms. Tears didn’t threaten this time. She had worked through her feeling about Ella’s passing, she forgave herself but she was still hurt by her mother’s reaction that day.
     
    “Paxton, let’s start with you and what was running through your head when you learned it was Ella?”
     
    Paxton looked at Dr. Keeler. They had already been over this. She had never discussed it with her mother in fear that it would ruin the last few weeks but it was the elephant in the room.
     
    “Paxton, I think it would be beneficial for your mother to hear what you were going through.”
     
    Paxton looked over at her mother and her face was stone. Paxton looked back at Dr. Keeler then down at her hands. She braced herself for the drama and anger that was sure to follow from the statement she was about to make. Preparing herself, she took a deep breath and kept her stare pinned on her hands. “When Susie told me that Duke was in the hospital and was Steve’s patient from the crash, my mind immediately thought of Ella and who had her.  When Susie said the only person she didn’t check was my patient, my heart dropped. I ran back into the room and asked Ally, my assistant to check her hip for our tattoo.” Paxton paused and looked at her mother. Tears were in Jenny’s eyes, but she could see the anger and sadness were appearing behind her gaze.
     
    “Go on,” Dr. Keeler urged.
     
    “Ally confirmed the tattoo, as I’ve told you before. I knew that I had to try harder. I couldn’t lose my best friend. I couldn’t tell Duke that his wife, my best friend, died on my table. I started compressions again. Then I grabbed the charged paddles and pressed them into her,” Paxton’s hands mimicked the images in her hand. Tears began to pool in her own eyes as she relived those moments.
     
    Paxton heard her mother let a small sob escape. “I pulled the paddles, I tried CPR,” Paxton repeated herself, “I did everything I could think of to bring her back. Jonathan was in the room and he was quietly giving orders. I knew that I had completely lost it but it was Ella on my table. I saved a lot of people and I couldn’t bear to think that I couldn’t save my best friend.” Paxton looked up at Dr. Keeler who was just watching her and occasionally glancing over at Jenny. Paxton stole a glance at her mother who was silently crying.
     
    “I kept going no matter what Jonathan took out of the room. When I knew nothing was going to work, I just broke down. My best friend died and there was nothing that I could do to bring her back. Jonathan held me and let me grieve for a few minutes. I realized I was being unprofessional and still had a job to do. I composed myself and went to tell Duke. It was the surgeon