brought me to the local make-out spot? I’m flattered and all, but-”
“Oh just shut up and watch, will you?”
I zip it as we come barely a car-length away from the happy couples. The two in the car closest to us seem particularly ‘active’. They’ve got the radio blaring. I can still hear them over the top of it.
“Observe.” Dan switches something on the console and picks up the radio mic. He hits another switch. His headlights and emergency lights come on at the same time, bathing the whole lurid scene in glorious light.
“Attention! Attention!” he booms through the megaphone. “This is private property!”
The poor, naked individuals who have been lit so are shocked into statues. I’ve never seen a look of such terror and shock before.
A second later they burst into activity, cars rocking and clothes flying in the cramped interior of their vehicular abodes as Dan sits on the horn and continues to mock them through the megaphone. “Trespassing is a serious offence. You may be jailed.”
One car reverses out so fast it collects a tree. The bumper hangs off the back as the shirtless driver tries to regain some control.
I’m in stitches. These poor kids are going to be scarred for life.
Dan just keeps at it, honking and flashing his lights. One poor boy wrestles with his T-shirt like it’s a wild octopus, his girlfriend screaming as she looks for her bra.
“That’s enough, please.” I can barely breathe I’m laughing so hard. Tears are streaming down my face.
Dan’s laughing too. His voice breaks up as he speaks through the megaphone. “Um, that’ll be all. Carry on.”
I slap him on the shoulder as he switches off the emergency lights and pulls back onto the road.
“That was cruel,” I tell him. “I may have wet my pants, but cruel all the same. That’s what you do for fun around here?”
He’s beaming. “Sometimes. It gets kind of slow, if you know what I’m saying. There are only so many times you can swing by the donut shop.”
I eye his body. It hasn’t seen a donut in years. “Somehow I don’t think you spend much time with my deep-fried friends.”
“You’d be surprised.”
We’re back on the main road. My stomach’s actually cramped up from all the laughter. This is a side of Dan I never knew existed. I heard his old man passed away not long after his mom. His dad was a general in the army, a real strict man who made Dan, an only child, call him ‘sir’ and line up for random room inspections. I always thought Dan would grow up to be just like him, a real chip off the serious shoulder, but am I wrong?
Losing his dad would have been hard, but I also imagine it would have been a relief too, as twisted as that sounds. Maybe now he’s free to live his life. Maybe he’s free to… find someone.
“You haven’t said a word about your time in the army.”
He sighs, the burden returning. “To be honest, Alice, it was a tough period for me. I had to make many decisions I’m not proud of, decisions that will stay with me, haunt me until the end of days. Am I proud to have served my country? Sure. Am I convinced what I did was right and just? Not so much. I guess that’s why I came back here, to a simpler life and a clearer cut of right and wrong.”
“Right and wrong is never clear cut. You should know that better than anyone.”
“Perhaps, but out here it’s easy to pick the bad apples. They don’t fall far from the tree, and when they’re rotten there ain’t no turning them rosy and red again. That’s the war here. That’s the truth.”
I decide not to press the issue. “Where are we going now?”
“It’s a surprise.”
A few miles up the road we pull into a driveway. Dan gets out and undoes the gate. We drive through and it begins to come back to me. “Old Man Benbrook’s?”
“The old man’s passed, I’m afraid, but yep, one and the same.”
We head down the side of the house, down a separate drive and out into the scrub. Finally, we
“Oh just shut up and watch, will you?”
I zip it as we come barely a car-length away from the happy couples. The two in the car closest to us seem particularly ‘active’. They’ve got the radio blaring. I can still hear them over the top of it.
“Observe.” Dan switches something on the console and picks up the radio mic. He hits another switch. His headlights and emergency lights come on at the same time, bathing the whole lurid scene in glorious light.
“Attention! Attention!” he booms through the megaphone. “This is private property!”
The poor, naked individuals who have been lit so are shocked into statues. I’ve never seen a look of such terror and shock before.
A second later they burst into activity, cars rocking and clothes flying in the cramped interior of their vehicular abodes as Dan sits on the horn and continues to mock them through the megaphone. “Trespassing is a serious offence. You may be jailed.”
One car reverses out so fast it collects a tree. The bumper hangs off the back as the shirtless driver tries to regain some control.
I’m in stitches. These poor kids are going to be scarred for life.
Dan just keeps at it, honking and flashing his lights. One poor boy wrestles with his T-shirt like it’s a wild octopus, his girlfriend screaming as she looks for her bra.
“That’s enough, please.” I can barely breathe I’m laughing so hard. Tears are streaming down my face.
Dan’s laughing too. His voice breaks up as he speaks through the megaphone. “Um, that’ll be all. Carry on.”
I slap him on the shoulder as he switches off the emergency lights and pulls back onto the road.
“That was cruel,” I tell him. “I may have wet my pants, but cruel all the same. That’s what you do for fun around here?”
He’s beaming. “Sometimes. It gets kind of slow, if you know what I’m saying. There are only so many times you can swing by the donut shop.”
I eye his body. It hasn’t seen a donut in years. “Somehow I don’t think you spend much time with my deep-fried friends.”
“You’d be surprised.”
We’re back on the main road. My stomach’s actually cramped up from all the laughter. This is a side of Dan I never knew existed. I heard his old man passed away not long after his mom. His dad was a general in the army, a real strict man who made Dan, an only child, call him ‘sir’ and line up for random room inspections. I always thought Dan would grow up to be just like him, a real chip off the serious shoulder, but am I wrong?
Losing his dad would have been hard, but I also imagine it would have been a relief too, as twisted as that sounds. Maybe now he’s free to live his life. Maybe he’s free to… find someone.
“You haven’t said a word about your time in the army.”
He sighs, the burden returning. “To be honest, Alice, it was a tough period for me. I had to make many decisions I’m not proud of, decisions that will stay with me, haunt me until the end of days. Am I proud to have served my country? Sure. Am I convinced what I did was right and just? Not so much. I guess that’s why I came back here, to a simpler life and a clearer cut of right and wrong.”
“Right and wrong is never clear cut. You should know that better than anyone.”
“Perhaps, but out here it’s easy to pick the bad apples. They don’t fall far from the tree, and when they’re rotten there ain’t no turning them rosy and red again. That’s the war here. That’s the truth.”
I decide not to press the issue. “Where are we going now?”
“It’s a surprise.”
A few miles up the road we pull into a driveway. Dan gets out and undoes the gate. We drive through and it begins to come back to me. “Old Man Benbrook’s?”
“The old man’s passed, I’m afraid, but yep, one and the same.”
We head down the side of the house, down a separate drive and out into the scrub. Finally, we
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