Chasing Jenna Read Online Free PDF

cleared out and when the elevator doors opened it was empty. I breathed deeply, letting a long sigh out as the doors closed. My arms went slack and heavy next to me as I slumped back against the cold metal walls. I rolled my shoulders feeling every knot in my back. The excitement of the last day and a half had broken me down. I was happy when I finally walked into my room.
    My favorite pajamas, a pair of gray sweatpants and an old high school t-shirt, were a welcome sight. The tension in my back began to loosen from the idea of sleep. I couldn’t wait to climb into my bed. I changed quickly and grabbed my bathroom bag. Brushing my teeth was the only thing that stood between me and sleep. I would’ve been giddy, but I was too tired.
    I rushed into the hallway and turned to shut the door behind me. With my hand still on the knob I froze as the lock caught. My warm breath bounced off the pressed wood door, with my nose only inches from it. This area had been overflowing with people when we were getting ready for the fair, but now it was empty. I was alone. I tried to push the rising panic down, begging myself for tranquility. Sometimes the most frightening things are the monsters your mind makes up to fill emptiness.
    The buzzing of florescent lights echoed in my ears, attaching themselves to my nerve endings. I shuddered, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that slithered down my spine.
    “ There’s no one there. Nobody wants to hurt you.” I whispered , trying to keep my head in the right place. An internal battle raged inside of me. The constant push-pull that comes with anxiety is a Hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
    One side commanded me to do more, be more. The other side screamed – be smart, be safe. My days became a constant back and forth, each time one side winning the immediate battle, but never the entire war.
    I squeezed my eyes shut trying to decide if I would go down the hall and brush my teeth or bolt back into my room and lock the world out behind me. A simple decision for most … But to me, my entire existence hung in the balance.
    I held my breath, looked toward the bathroom, nothing, and then toward the elevators. It was clear too. I rushed down the hall, the weight of fear pushing on my back, making me move faster with each step.
    I slipped into the bathroom silently and pressed my back against the wall. My lungs burned but I released my breath slowly. If anyone else was in here, I didn’t want them to hear me. I slid down the wall, pulling my knees up and resting my forehead on them. Sometimes making myself smaller physically, made my emotions easier to control. ' I am safe. No one wants to hurt me.'
    Once I felt the anxiety recede, I forced myself to my feet. “ Forward ,” I whispered, incase my brain had forgotten to tell my legs the direction I intended to move.
    My make-up had started to fade from my eyes and I was glad. I reached up and touched my reflection, wondering if anyone could understand what I was really trying to hide. The make-up changed the way I looked, but not who I was. There was no fix for that.
    When I finished washing my face and brushing my teeth, I walked back to the room. A burst of cold air hit me when I opened the door. I grabbed a blanket from the couch, threw it across my shoulders and hurried to shut the window.
    Heaviness settled in my chest when I looked out the window. The fair was still in full swing. Regret twisted my stomach. A small part of me wished I would’ve stayed, maybe looked for someone from my floor to hang out with. I tightened the blanket around myself and turned away from the window, knowing there was a bigger part of me glad I was in my room. I took a pillow from my bed and curled up on the couch. The music from outside was the last thing I remembered.
    My eyes fluttered and I stretched my arms above my head. Something had woken me. Several panicky seconds passed before I realized where I was. I wasn’t sure how long it took me to