approaches, Iâd swear he gives me a lightning-quick head-to-toe appraisal. Only fair, since I do the same to him, taking in his slightly damp blond hair, blue-blue eyes, and swimmerâs build. He leads the guysâ team in butterfly.
His features soften into a slow smile. âAislyn, you came.â
âYeah.â Deep breath, get words out of mouth. âEvie forced me to.â
âI hoped she would.â
âUm, yeah.â I swallow a beer burp. Why is this so hard? Jack and I have what pass for interesting conversations online, and weâve e-mailed a zillion times about submissions for
The Drizzle
. But now, no matter how much I will my heart and lungs to slow down, my knees to hold up, and my brain to focus, my body resists on all counts.
I say, âUm, congrats on the science competition.â
âI thought for sure youâd win. Your stuff is always way beyond the rest of ours.â He pulls at his shirt. âThis place is crazy hot.â
I resist the urge to tell him exactly what, or who, is crazy hot, and point toward the glass door like a robot.
âGood idea.â He opens it, letting in the evening breeze.
Ah, thatâs delicious against my burning face. A few minutes of this and I could cool down enough to avoid fainting or puking. With major luck.
He starts through the door. âYou coming?â
Oh, no, he wants me to go outside with him. Actually make these feet move.
Thereâs a hand at my back. Abby says, âWay to work fast,â and gives me a push.
I stumble outside behind Jack. About twenty kids hang around the yard, but Jackâs able to find a couple of deck chairs. Itâs a relief to get off of my feet, which I donât trust to support me anyway. My belly is the next body part to fail me, turning all quivery with the thought that here I am with the object of all myâwell, with Jack. I take a deep breath. God, I want to cry. Just break down and let all my anxiety out in a gushing torrent of tears. No one would ever expect me to do any kind of exposure therapy ever again.
He points to my cup. âWhatâs in there?â
I peek inside as if I donât know. âUm, beer. Thereâs a keg in the kitchen.â Iâm slurring. Great, Iâve finally gotten out two complete sentences and I sound drunk.
He shrugs. âMaybe later.â
Guys like him donât need liquid bravery, which makes me feel more pitiful. Stop, stop, think of something to say, like a normal person would. I ask, âSo you start at the radio station next week?â He scored an internship that would look great on his college app, along with dozens of other accomplishments.
âYeah, Kids Eat Free is coming for an interview on my first day.â
I shake my head. âI canât imagine doing something so . . . so public.â
Jack shrugs those smoothly muscled shoulders that make a wide V down to his waist. âGoes with the territory.â
âStill, always having to be so
on
.â Oh no, a bead of sweat rolls down my face. Probably the first drop in the tsunami of misery I expect to melt into at any moment.
He laughs. âYou make it sound like shoveling elephant dung.â
Oh, now he thinks Iâm insulting the band. âNo, no, theyâre great. Just like you. Youâre always great.â I blink rapidly and put a hand to my head, partly to steady my vision, partly to wipe away another drip along my temple.
He cocks his head and gives me that look he often does, which makes me feel so
seen
. Usually it causes a combination of thrill and terror, but tonight Iâd rather be as unseen as possible. âCan I get you something?â he says.
âNo, Iâm okay. Just a little dizzy. Not used to so much beer.â I stand up and lean toward a bush to dump out the rest of my cup, but stumble and spill it on his foot instead.
âOh, God, Iâm so sorry!â
He jumps up.
Cassandra Zara, Lucinda Lane