Changing Forever Read Online Free PDF

against the counter, I take a few deep breaths and let everything go—all the irritations, all the things that are holding me back from being the person I want to be.
    Maybe I wouldn’t have such a hard time dealing with my emotions if Mom hadn’t left us the way she did. I was too young to understand, but too old to forget. She hurt me. She ruined my dad. He was a man who spent hours outside taking care of the farm, but he’d make time for me every night when he came inside. We’ built forts, made animals out of Play-Doh, and read books. He was Daddy, my safety blanket when it thundered or the rickety floorboards of our old house creaked.
    Then, after she left, he was always busy. If it wasn’t the fields, it was cooking or paying the bills. My imagination became my nightly playmate, which was good sometimes and scary at others. I used to think about what it would be like to be a real princess and wear big, sparkly pink dresses. I used to pretend I was older and wear the heels and purses she left behind. That always led to other thoughts … like what all my friends were doing with their moms. I imagined what it would be like to shop with her, get our nails painted, and cuddle on the couch with a movie. Things I never got to do.
    One day, not long after she left, I heard my dad telling my grandma that my mom always had dreams that would never come true if she stayed with us. That was when I first realized I had big dreams, too. I just don’t want to let anyone down the way she did to make them come true. I’m determined to do it the right way … before I make a mistake that I can’t go back from.
    I have to remember that now, even when little roadblocks like Drake pop up. That’s all he is , I think as I straighten up and look in the mirror. The front of my long hair sticks up from the way my fingers gripped it, and my mascara is smeared from pressing my eyes in the palms of my hands. It’s nothing a brush and washcloth can’t fix.
    I just wish it were that easy to fix the damage inside of me. It’s been years, and I need to find some way to let it all go.
    Taking a deep breath, I walk back into the room, noticing Kate hasn’t left for class yet. “Do you want to walk to class with me?” I ask, hoping to ease her worry. We have the same major, and have biology class together on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
    “Yeah, give me just a second,” she says, throwing her books into her bag.
    It’s obvious from the number of times I catch her looking at me while tucking her books away that she’s still not convinced I’m okay. The last thing I want to do is take someone down with my bad mood.
    “We’re having a study group tonight for biology. Do you want to come?” I ask, sitting on the corner of my bed. This is normal Emery.
    “Maybe. I’ll have to check with Beau first to see if he has any plans.” She slips her bag over her shoulder and steps into her flip-flops.
    “You two seem to spend a lot of time together. Don’t you ever just want to do your own thing? When do you have time to study?” I ask as I chip away the polish from my nails. When she doesn’t answer right away, I look up. With the strange tension I’d already caused, this probably wasn’t the best time to mention Beau. It’s not my business anyway.
    She shrugs. “We’re making up for lost time. It’s hard to explain, but right now, I need all the time with him that I can get. And don’t worry about my study time. I get plenty of that done when I’m with Beau.”
    I smile. “Whatever. I guess if Beau was my boyfriend, I would want to spend every minute I could with him, too.”
    “Have you ever had a serious boyfriend, Emery?”
    The weight on my chest becomes a little heavier again as the smile falls from my face. I hate what I did to Clay, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right decision. “This might not be the best day to talk about that.”
    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry,” she says softly in an