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some perverse, inner strength that keeps him an immovable lump in spite of all our nudges. Wouldn’t it be easier just to give up and act the way he is supposed to? “I don’t understand you, Jeremy,” I said. “You did see her on the stairs, after all. It’s not as if you could spare yourself the sight. And this will be much better, even, now that they have her all—”
    “Can’t you just let him be?” Laura said.
    I set my milk cup down as gently as I could manage. Another person would have slammed it. I said, “I’ll count on you to clear the table, Laura. It was you and Jeremy who did all that eating. I’ll just go and change the sheets in Mother’s room before I leave for the funeral parlor, shall I?” Then I rose from the table, keeping a tight hold upon myself. I tried my best not to notice how my temples were pounding.
    We were going to have to stay in Mother’s room because all the others were full of strangers. The only time we ever saw our own room was at Christmas and Easter, when Mrs. Jarrett went off to visit her married daughter in California. And even then we saw it in an altered state, with Mrs. Jarrett’s hats stacked in our closet and her dresses shoved to the back of it. Oh, this house had closed over our leavetaking like water; not a trace of us remained. I had never been bothered by it before but I was that night. In Mother’s bedroom, whichwas crammed with half-soiled clothes and wall mottoes and empty coffee cups and pictures of kittens wound up in balls of yarn, there was not so much as a photograph of me at any age. Just Jeremy looking frightened on her nightstand, eleven years old and wearing a Sunday suit that barely met across the front. Beside him our father, in a sterling silver frame. Now
there
is a sample of how Mother did things. Our father was a building contractor who left us thirty-four years ago—went out for a breath of air one evening and never came back. Sent us a postcard from New York City two weeks later: “I
said
I needed air, didn’t I?” “Yes, he said that as he left, I remember he did,” said Mother, dim-witted as ever. She kept his brushes on the bureau and his shaving mug in the bathroom, never removed her ring, never to my knowledge shed a tear, not even a year and a half after that when he was killed in an auto accident and the insurance company notified her by mail. And look on her nightstand! There he was, big and dashing in an old-fashioned collar and a villain’s pencil-line mustache. Handsome, I suppose some might say. (As a small girl I admired my father quite a bit, though not, of course, after he deserted.) And what did he see in Mother? Why, it’s written on the bottom of his photograph. “For Wilma, with my deepest respect.” She was a cut above him, a storeowner’s daughter born to be pretty and frail and useless—which, Lord knows, she was. Spent her mornings tinkling halfway through popular tunes on the piano before she trailed off uncertainly, her afternoons painting forget-me-nots on china plates, her evenings in the front porch swing giving herself the barest ripple of motion every now and then with the toe of her shoe. From a distance I suppose that a building contractor could find her mighty impressive. How was he to know she would stay frozen in china-painting position for the rest of her life?
    I stripped the bed and made it up fresh with sheets fromthe cedar chest. I folded the old sheets and placed them in the hamper. I picked up the clothes that Mother had left scattered everywhere. Meanwhile I could hear Laura clattering dishes and talking on and on—to Jeremy, I supposed. Never a break for breath, even. She thinks she is such an authority, just because she was married and widowed once upon a time. Thinks she is qualified to speak about life. Well, she was only married a year and never had children, and her husband was no more than a boy anyway. A hemophiliac. Died from a scratch he got opening a Campbell’s soup can.