Burning Intensity Read Online Free PDF Page B

cautious creatures—they didn’t live, otherwise—but knowing one of their own had been actively causing them harm, betraying them, had sent out waves of repercussion that still were not fully healed.
    She genuinely believed that the worst had passed, but the actions of a few horrible people had left scars, both on the Agency, the managers and particularly the good men and women who worked there.
    “Rob and I are often called in once a mission has gone to shit, we’re used to that. But this was far above and beyond anything we usually come across. It also wasn’t just us. There were teams of agents pulled together.” El pressed her fingers between her eyes, massaged the bridge of her nose. She could almost feel the headache she’d had for weeks back then. “We were on shifts, sleeping for a few hours at a time on cots in the locker room… I could go on if you need, but you get the idea. At first I thought it would be a week, maybe two tops to get everything under control. But it was longer than that, and so much more complicated.”
    “I knew you were facing a crisis,” James assured her.
    El slumped her shoulders down. She could feel the warmth in his tone, sense the tenderness from the soft way he looked at her.
    “I was prepared to wait, I told you that. You’re worth every moment, Eleanor.”
    “It was almost two months before the reports were written,” she continued. El cleared her throat, embarrassed at how husky her voice sounded. She blinked hard, swore it wasn’t tears at his compassion but just an eyelash, maybe. “If I’d known how convoluted it would all be, how the days would blur and weeks would fly by, I’d have sent a message, texted you, done something to indicate it would be far worse than I’d ever have imagined. But by the time my brain cleared and I glanced around, it had been so long. When I thought of how you’d have been waiting, every day far slower and longer than it had been for me…”
    El shook her head.
    “I threw myself into the meetings—and trust me, you don’t want me to start explaining what those were like. Endless. Painstaking. A nightmare in and of themselves. I kept telling myself you wouldn’t have waited, or that you would have called me. Anything to sop the guilt and loneliness I felt with your absence.”
    “You told me not to call,” James replied with a frown.
    El reached out a hand, took his in hers.
    “I know, I didn’t mean I blamed you. Nor was this all some elaborate ploy for you to prove yourself to me, I promise. But I needed to rationalize my actions. It was so long, it felt like I was so late… Like I’d missed my chance. Besides, by then I was at the stage where the longer I put it off, the harder the mere thought of reconnecting with you became.”
    She swallowed, then licked her lips. El was nervous, but determined to be brutally honest and explain her actions as best she could.
    “It was easier for me to focus on contingencies at work, on helping plug the leaks that we’d found from the traitor’s deception. I wanted— No, I needed to help other agents who were in deep cover, give them any assistance they needed in solidifying their position. There was an endless amount of work to do, and hard as that was, it wasn’t as emotional as picking up the phone and asking you to meet me for coffee.”
    “You were afraid I’d moved on?” James asked. He’d lifted an eyebrow at her.
    El didn’t know whether he was teasing her or couldn’t believe her, but at least he didn’t seem upset. She smiled at him, squeezed his hand gently.
    “We hadn’t made promises to one another. It’s not like we were engaged or promised. But…” Honesty, she reminded herself, difficult as it was. She scrunched her face a little, forcing herself to bare her soul. James deserved it, was worth it. “I was afraid you’d reject me, lash out in anger. I honestly didn’t mean to leave you hanging, to hurt you. But I couldn’t have blamed you for being