Breaking Brooklyn Read Online Free PDF Page B

the procedure she would know how I felt. How I got myself
in this mess. The letter gave details about my plan, my love for
her, and how sorry I was to disappoint her. 
    Later that night Debbie and I were watching
The Sound of Music at her house when the phone rang. It was my
mother. She was crying hysterically, telling me that she had found
the note. She said she was on her way to pick me up. Did
I subconsciously want her to find out about my plan so she could
stop me? No, no way in hell!   She was probably just
being nosy going through my room and found it.  While I waited
for her to come get me I wondered how she was going to react. Was
she going to be furious that I did this behind her back or would
she understand and be supportive of me and my decision?  Am I
feeling a sense of relief that she knows? God I don’t know. I
guess deep down I want my mother to know and approve of my plan to
have this procedure. She is all I have now that my father is
nowhere to be found. She is the only person in my life who is here
for me.  I desperately need her.
    Surely she wants me to have a life, to make
something of myself, and to finish high school and go to college.
She will agree that having the procedure is the best choice for me
and my future.
    When my mother got to Debbie’s house she
didn’t bother to come in, she just honked her horn. She didn’t say
anything the whole way home. When we pulled into the driveway
she broke her silence telling me how late it was. How I needed my
rest. Walking me to my room she said goodnight.  To my
surprise she hugged me and began to sob. I thought, oh my God,
she does understand?  I’m sure she will go with me to
Kentucky. This whole thing will be over with soon. I will have
my mother’s acceptance, which is the most important thing to me.
Her next words changed everything.  
    My Mother:   "Cindy, you
will not be going to Kentucky tomorrow with Debbie or anyone else.
I will not allow you to kill your unborn baby.”
    Me:   “What? You are
crazy if you think you can stop me. I am going to have this done
whether you like it or not. It's my body, my
choice!!!”  
    My mother told me that my only options would
be to have the baby or put it up for adoption. She didn’t even
bother to ask who the father was. She just assumed it was my
boyfriend Sam. She told me she would be calling Sam’s mother
to discuss the matter. Then I lost it.  I told her that Sam
didn’t know about the baby. How I wasn’t sure it was his  (Oh
God, how I wish I hadn’t told her that).  Besides, there
wasn’t going to be a baby anyway, so he didn’t need to know. I
screamed at her, telling her she couldn’t control me, that she had
absolutely no right do this to me. My last words to her were,
"I hate you! Get out!"
    January 15, 1978
    I snuck out of the house this morning before
my mother woke up. Debbie picked me up in her mom’s car and we left
for Kentucky. I was quiet most of the ride, knowing my mother was
going to be furious with me. When we got to the clinic all we could
hear were protesters yelling and shouting as we walked towards the
entrance. I was so nervous I couldn’t make out what they were
saying. It was all a bunch of white noise to me. When we
reached the front of the clinic it was lined with angry
faces. I could hear them shouting, “Murderer!” They begged me
to save the life that was growing inside of me. I just ignored them
and went inside.
    In the reception area were mostly young women
like me. Most of them looked like they were in their 20s, but
a few looked older. After about 20 minutes, a nurse came out and
read off four last names. One of which was mine. The nurse led the
four of us back to a small room at one end of the hall. It looked
just like the reception area only much smaller. She handed each of
us a paper cup containing two pills. She gave us water and
instructed us to take the pills. She said they would help relax us
before the