Breadfruit Read Online Free PDF Page B

felt like talking about her mother, but tonight is the first time that Loana feels
     like recording herself talking about her mother. Materena takes down the radio from the top of the fridge and goes into her
     bedroom for batteries and a blank tape. Now the radio is on the kitchen table and Materena is waiting for her mother’s signal
     to press the record button.
    But first Loana wants a bit more wine. Materena gets the small flagon of red wine from the fridge and refills her mother’s
     glass. Loana drinks. There are tears rolling down her cheeks already. Just thinking about her mother makes Loana cry.
    Loana loved her mama—Materena knows this.
    It’s not unusual for Loana to go to the cemetery for a little talk with her mother any time of the day, even in the middle
     of the night. “I’m going to see Mama,” Loana will say, and off she’ll go and come back hours later. Some nights, Loana sleeps
     on her mother’s grave.
    There’s no more wine in the glass.
    “Ready?” Materena’s finger is on the button. Loana nods and Materena presses record.
    After a few minutes, Loana finally begins.
    “We are at the church and it’s the Communion. I can’t go and eat the body of Christ because I’m only five and I haven’t done
     my Communion yet. I stay seated and I look at the people lining up for the body of Christ. Mama too stays seated. She can’t
     eat the body of Christ because she’s living with a man who’s not her husband. Her husband, my father, he ran away to Tahiti
     with another woman, and Mama had to get another man to help her in the copra plantation. Mama isn’t looking at the people
     lining up for the body of Christ, she’s looking at her hands. Then she looks over to my stepfather, who’s sitting on the other
     aisle. Men and women sat in different aisles in the church those days. My stepfather seems to be looking at his hands too,
     but his eyes are closed, he’s tired.
    “I want to go to the toilet and it is night. The bathroom is far away from the house, past the pigsty, in the coconut plantation.
     I tell myself, Wait for the day, wait for the day, but I can’t wait for the day. Mama is sleeping and I wake her up.
    “I say, ‘Mama, my belly is hurting.’ She says, ‘
Ah hia,
’ and I think that Mama isn’t going to get out of bed, but she does. She holds my hand as we walk to the toilet, and I’m not
     afraid. I feel protected.
    “Another time we are at Otepipi Isle, picking limes, but I get bored of picking the limes, I want to wander around. I wander
     around, then I step on something. I look down and I see three skulls. They are a bit covered by the grass, but I can see the
     skulls. I scream. Next second, my mama is by my side. There are scratches on her arms because she ran through the lime plantation.
     Mama hits me. Then she hugs me. I tell her about the skulls. She says, ‘Be more afraid of the living.’”
    Loana wants a refill. She drinks it in one gulp and continues.
    “It’s a while later and I’m coming up for my confirmation. We are sitting under the
tau
tree. Mama is looking for lice in my hair. There are no lice in my hair but Mama just has to keep her hands busy. She asks
     me questions and I answer. When the answer is correct, she says nothing. When the answer is wrong, she thumps me on the head
     or pulls a hair. It’s a great shame to fail the confirmation test and Kika doesn’t want any more shame than what her husband
     gave her when he ran off with another woman. I pass the confirmation test and Mama kisses me on the forehead. She says, ‘You
     made me very proud today.’”
    Loana wants another refill, but she doesn’t drink it. She just holds the glass.
    “Mama is leaving for Tahiti to go visit my older sister, and my stepfather is going back to his island to visit his relatives.
     Mama’s very good friend, Teva’s grandmother, is going to look after me. Mama is very happy. She hums. She counts the coins
     in the milk container she’s