give the order to grab me by the arms, drag me out of the bar and beat me senseless in a dark alley behind the old basketball arena.
The order never came. The big Russian tipped his head back and laughed raucously, a big belly laugh that reminded me of a jackal’s coughing howl, or the blood curdling screams of a pack of feeding hyenas.
"What did I say," he grunted, waving away his men as the humor finally subsided. "Big balls. Fucking big balls."
I saw my girl staring at Mikhail and I, her face aghast, and this time my stomach really did do a back-flip.
"Maya, come here, girl." The Bull roared, his voice turning hard and flinty. "There's someone I want you to meet."
Maya? Why’s he calling her that?
She padded toward us like a woman walking toward the electric chair – heavy legged, limp and broken. No, not broken – fearful.
Maya, or whatever her name really was, looked at me with pleading eyes, and I didn't have to be a genius to know what she was trying to say. She was begging me to pretend not to recognize her – or at least, not to make it obvious. I felt something stir deep inside me – something I hadn't felt in an awfully long time.
My heart.
5
M aya
Conor once said to me that everything you need to know about a man, you can read in his eyes.
If that was true, then when I left him, I hurt him more than I could have ever imagined – maybe even more than it hurt me. But then, when I left at least I took a part of him with me.
He had nothing.
"Maya, come here girl," the Bull shouted across the room. I had to leave the no-man's land where I'd been hovering, trying to observe on the outskirts of his group of scarred and muscular henchmen without being seen and dive into the heart of darkness. I locked eyes with Conor, and the hurt, shock and pain I saw in his glittering, sea-green eyes was almost enough to sink me.
I walked over slowly, as if by tarrying I could somehow prevent the inevitable, but the Bull jerked his head angrily, and I scurried over like an obedient girl. I did the only thing I could think of to help manage the situation – I pleaded with Conor through the only medium available to me – my eyes. I knew that one slip, one loose sentence or even a stray facial expression could betray a secret I'd kept for years.
A secret that had caused so much pain.
A secret that could get Conor killed.
I only hoped he'd understand.
"Conor," the Bull blustered in a proud tone of voice that other men used to brag about their children's achievements. "Meet my daughter, Maya."
Conor blanched, his face betraying his shock as clearly as if he'd said it aloud. My head sagged forward, my chin meeting my chest. This was it – I knew it. The game was up. "Your…" He croaked, trailing off.
My father laughed, belching as he did so, and clapped the man I’d once almost married on the back. I held my breath, surprised by his reaction, but waiting for the inevitable explosion. My father was a proud man, as proud as he was penetratingly perceptive, and he didn't stand for being taken for a fool lightly. I knew he'd see through Conor's reaction for what it was.
"Yes, I know what it is that you are thinking," he said, sounding ever more Slavic as he laughed and rested his hand on Conor's shoulder. "How is it that a man like me can have a daughter that looks like this?"
"Something like that," Conor choked, sinking a large gulp of the almost untouched pint of creamy Guinness in his right hand to distract himself from the shock.
I didn't know what disgusted me more – the way my father was describing my physical attributes like he was my pimp, or his tone of voice. Like I said, other men reserve that tone for bragging about their kids at dinner parties. Mine uses it to flatter his own ego.
"I didn't always look like this, you know." My father chuckled. "And her mother…" He trailed off, bringing his fingers to his mouth and kissing them demonstratively, showing off what a catch my mother had been.
He