Braless in Wonderland Read Online Free PDF

how I photograph with more angles.”
    â€œMm-hmm,” Jay said to her in the same manner my mother “Mm-hmm”s us when she’s pretending she just heard what we said but is really listening to Oprah . “Allee, how tall are you?”
    â€œFive eight.”
    â€œNo, you’re not,” Baldie said, turning to Jay. “She’s a bit more. I’ll measure her.” He bolted out from behind the table with a measuring tape and got behind me. “Take off your flip-flops. Stand up straight.”
    I turned around and stared at him. He stared back. These people were rip-off artists. I mean, hello, he was just capitalizing on insecure young women who were looking for validation through their physical appearance. I should have told him that. Although, from what I could see, this guy had such an attitude, I doubted anyone could tell him anything. I’d have probably had better luck explaining feminism to Hugh Pervner and the staff at Playboy .
    He waved the measuring tape at me and raised his eyebrows. Oh, what the hell, why not let him measure me? I was here. And honestly, I was kinda curious. Although if Baldie thought I was like one of these suckers in line, he had another think coming.
    He measured me from top to bottom. “What about Sabrina?” I asked him.
    â€œYeah, what about me?” she asked with a nervous laugh. “Hello, hi, I’m the one auditioning.” They totally ignored her.
    â€œAbout five eight and three-quarters,” Baldie said.
    â€œShe’s five nine,” Jay said. “What about the rest?”
    He wrapped the tape around my hips, waist, and chest. There was a sudden hush from the line, which, of course, happened while he was measuring my chestal area. A growth spurt last summer had surpassed my mammary expectations when I spurted from an A to a C. I noticed Hillary from the corner of my eye, chewing on her lip. No worries, Hills. I was no threat to her bodacious territory.
    â€œThirty-five, twenty-four, thirty-five,” he said. Flashes went off in my face. Jay was taking pictures with a digital camera. A tingly warmth came over me. These people actually thought I was the prettier one. It was like Freaky Friday , only I’d switched places with my sister instead of my mom.
    This was so not for real. “Am I being punked?” I asked, glancing around. “Seriously. This is one of those shows, right?”
    The Fluff started glancing around. “Yeah, are those sunglasses a hidden camera?”
    Jay looked up at her, leaned forward, and quietly told her, “Honey, you’re a pretty girl. You might want to try the beauty pageant circuit.”
    Uh-oh, knife to the heart. My sister thought beauty pageants were the corniest, most degrading things ever. It was one of the few things we agreed upon. I reached for her hand, but she shook it away. “But look how I photograph. Look at my pictures. You’ll see—”
    â€œYou’re not right for our clients. I’m sorry.”
    â€œBut what if I—”
    â€œYou’re too short,” interrupted Baldie.
    â€œI could do petite modeling.”
    â€œYou still need to be five seven for petite modeling.”
    â€œI’m five seven.”
    â€œNo, you’re not,” Baldie said. “You’re a little under five six, probably five five and a half.” How did he know that? She was exactly five five and a half. She’d made me measure her last night. “And the only thing five five is good for is furniture ads or a magician’s assistant.”
    Jay said, “Forget modeling, Serena. It’s not for you. What you should be is an actress/spokesperson. We have a big convention coming up in Las Vegas. Over a hundred talent agents will be there, and the attendance fee is only three hundred dollars. Take a brochure at the end of the table.”
    Baldie added, “Bit of advice, though, Precious? Lose all that makeup. Keep